I have some bad news, guys.
I am going to have to quit blogging...
I know, I know, this is all quite sudden. Please bear with me while I explain why this is.
I didn't want it to come to this, but I knew that it would have to happen some day. That day just came closer than I thought. I was hanging out with Lizzie again a bit ago, and I asked for a snack. In her kitchen there were some not-quite ripe bananas (just how I like them). I grabbed one off the top of the microwave, ready to partake in the deliciousness. I grabbed the top of the banana, and started pulling (I was going to say "yanking", but I thought that might have sounded too much like a euphemism). I tried to peel the banana for about thirty seconds, but the peel just would. not. budge. Then, quite unexpectedly, there was a loud SNAP! I looked down and I was holding the banana in two chunks in both of my hands. I had literally ripped the banana in half. I couldn't believe my eyes. Spluttering, I held the banana up to show Lizzie. Both of us were speechless. It was so unprecedented that I made Lizzie take pictures. I HAVE EVIDENCE!
<3
I am going to have to quit blogging...
I know, I know, this is all quite sudden. Please bear with me while I explain why this is.
I didn't want it to come to this, but I knew that it would have to happen some day. That day just came closer than I thought. I was hanging out with Lizzie again a bit ago, and I asked for a snack. In her kitchen there were some not-quite ripe bananas (just how I like them). I grabbed one off the top of the microwave, ready to partake in the deliciousness. I grabbed the top of the banana, and started pulling (I was going to say "yanking", but I thought that might have sounded too much like a euphemism). I tried to peel the banana for about thirty seconds, but the peel just would. not. budge. Then, quite unexpectedly, there was a loud SNAP! I looked down and I was holding the banana in two chunks in both of my hands. I had literally ripped the banana in half. I couldn't believe my eyes. Spluttering, I held the banana up to show Lizzie. Both of us were speechless. It was so unprecedented that I made Lizzie take pictures. I HAVE EVIDENCE!
Here I am. Looking devious. Looking Sly. Looking... STRONG.
Look at that. Just look at it for a minute, and let it simmer in your mind. Imagine as I tore it in two, imagine my shocked face, then lead it back to this image of me holding the banana, where it all comes full circle. So I send out my dearest apologies to all of you... but really, I have new and greener pastures to graze with my newfound strength. Really the only possible option I see for me now is to become... you guessed it, a carny. I will travel the world with my other circus companions, and I can live off the money I make pulling apart various fruits. The fruit won't know what hit 'em. Pomiculture will really be taking a blow with this one.
It's been swell, everyone, but I must make my leave now. I've loved every minute on this blog... but wish me luck as I start my new life.
<3
Edit: Did I mention that I tore yet another banana in two while I was at Lizzie's a couple weeks ago? Things are really starting to get out of hand.
Hannah! You've finally decided to join the circus with me! I'm so excited! Together, we can scare all the little children with our scary face paint and horns galore! Get ready world, here we come!
ReplyDeleteHoNk!
YES! WE WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE! :o)
DeleteHannah, I think Lizzie may just have particularly weak bananas in her home.
ReplyDeleteYou make an interesting assumption. But considering the fact that this has happened on multiple occasions, spanning numerous bunches of bananas, it's clear that it's not the bananas, it's my superior strength.
Delete