another found poem

i listened to a bunch of music a couple nights ago and wrote a found poem with some of the lyrics bc I'm a gay ass nerd

Deep inside me the color's all I see.

Denominations

Our indignation

Take your time, don't hurry,

can't you see I'm nervous, so please

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

But I find it hard to love you

Lying in your attic

Suicide in your arms

To lick your heart

this is the only part of it that's actually good enough to post haha. here's the list of the music i used for the whole thing, so not all these songs may apply to what i have shared here:

i’m looking through you the beatles

clark gable the postal service

without you lana del rey

start of something voxtrot 

my mirror speaks death cab for cutie

hard to explain the strokes

indigo tom milsom

girl that you love panic! at the disco

nowhere man the beatles

seaside the kooks

twin size mattress the front bottoms

zorbing stornoway

arms tonite mother mother

scar tissue red hot chili peppers

it's not a good poem but i like it anyway it has character. i have to work every night this weekend, which kinda sucks but at least i'm making money holllllla. and I got a B on the math TEST that i took today which i was positive i would fail. Pleasant surprises are always nice :) I worked so hard for that grade, too. It was all me. 

look at this cute photo i uploaded to instagram the same night i wrote the shit poem. i like feeling cute ^-^

not to mention how modest my outfit is i really rather like it. a weird sort of empowerment by not showing my neck i guess. i haven't been doing that in a lot of my youtube videos lately, i've noticed a trend. 

in conclusion:

i'm quite exhausted, but keeping a positive attitude is key to being the best i can be. 

FFFFFFF-riday

Yesterday was really good then really bad. Like, the last two hours of the day were really bad. I know I shouldn't stay up until midnight but I did anyway because I'm a rebel who makes decisions that fuck up her sleep pattern. So cool, I know.

Around 11:30 I checked my grades online because the quarter just started and teachers are putting preliminary grades in. I have a C+ in precalc and an F in physics. The C+ in precalc doesn't bother me that much because I'm always destined to be below average in math classes. But Physics?? I had an A last quarter, and now I have an F. We started our motion unit a few weeks ago. I don't understand it. When we took the motion pretest I scored a 5/22. A month later we took the mid term. I got a 9/22. So, an increase of 4 points?

I have Physics first mod today and I am just hoping that I don't cry. If I do, it'd be more from embarrassment than anything else. And last night when I checked my grades I was talking to someone online who I already am on edge with and I ended up taking out some of my negative emotions on him. And of course he said I wasn't being mean but I felt so awful. I still do. I feel like I'm constantly letting out negative emotions then trying to reconcile. I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect.

Happy Friday.

It's That Time of Year Again...

Click to Enlarge

Around this time last year I made this graph and posted it on my blog. And sure enough, this graph has proven to be accurate once again. I've started to do all of my math work in pen, and on the backsides of worksheets, and turning in assignments with only half-assed attempts at solving the problem. As a a matter of fact, earlier this week I turned in some quiz corrections to my teacher that I did on the back of my friend's World History worksheet. Mr.Long didn't say a thing about it, and something is telling me that this graph applies to him to. I think that's one of the reasons why I like him so much. Not only does he not care for Geometry, he's hilarious too. I once was the only one who laughed at one of his jokes and he like called me out on it, and it was actually just really ridiculous.

The only downside to my end of the year math routine is that I am probably going to fail my quiz today. 

WHOAAAAH

OKAY OKAY OKAY. I have news about that one math test that I didn't study for at all. Guess what?

...I DIDN'T FAIL!

Granted, I got a C, but that's not what's important right now. This morning I got on the internet to check my grades, and I flipped my lid when I saw that my overall math grade went up. What's most amazing is that I thought I failed... and I didn't! I'm sorry if none of you care about this, but despite my hatred of math I am feeling slightly less violent about math right now.

I hate math still, that's for certain, but at least I'm not failing Geometry anymore. 

Today, In a Nutshell

Wow, two posts about Math hatred in two days, WOOOO!!!!!!!!

Today I took that math test I refused to study for last night. The teacher was gone today and we had a sub, so it's not in the grade book yet, but mark my words, I failed that little mofo.

The class I had after math was English large group. English large group is quite possibly one of the most pointless classes I have ever taken. What happens is me and about 150 other kids in English all have to go to my school's auditorium and act like we care about what we're learning. Don't get me wrong, I really like English class in general. But when you sit me in a room with over a hundred other kids who are bored and try to make me take notes, nothing good will come of it.

Today as I sat in my seat, still fuming about the test I'd just taken, an idea hit me. I flipped over my notes packet, and I started to construct a poem about math, and why it sucks and needs to go die but first be burned alive and impaled by a splintery rod. My friend Leah has been wanting me to write a poem about how much I hate math for awhile now,  and today my muse was finally ready to comply. Unfortunately the poem actually really sucks and I only have two stanzas done, but I sort of wanted to post it anyway. So, without further ado...

I hate math.

It's not hard to admit.

Everyday I go to class,

it makes my stomach sick.

Oceans of equations

get jumbled up in my mind.

When will I ever need to use this? 

It's simply a waste of time. 

I can't decide if I'm going to finish it or not. Any feedback/suggestions? I'm sorry to any of my readers who actually like math, but I thought it'd been established by this point that I have extremely violent feelings toward the subject. I really hope that my teacher grades my test tonight. Wouldn't it be something if I checked my grade and I got an A?! Yeah, that would be something, but I highly doubt it'll happen. I also just realized as I read over this post that I bash not only math in this post, but English class too. Geez, I really need to get my act together.

Wait! While I'm complaining about school, here's another class I can gripe about: Foods. I'm sorry if you're expecting another steamy story of me and my star-crossed suitor (who, for the record, is no longer my star-crossed suitor). But, what actually happened today was that me and my group members (All of whom are named Hannah. But that's a whole different story), had to make microwavable lasagna. Just think about that and I believe you can formulate your own opinion on how that product turned out. After we were done eating, I was washing some of our dishes in the sink. Everything was going fine until I tried to rinse off a pan and a bucket load of water splashed all over my jeans and feet. I pretended not to care, and then not a moment later I turned around and hit my head on a cabinet. I chuckled along with my group members, poking fun at my own clumsiness, but I was still pretty embarrassed. I managed to not do anything stupid for about a minute and a half, until I was walking to grab a paper towel and I slipped on some of the water that splashed out of the sink when I got wet. I was so off balance I had to grab onto the counter for support, and banged my left knee on a cupboard. By the time class had ended, I was a damp, battered, and bruised mess of a girl. Luckily I'm home now and I'm in a fresh pair of jeans. 

God, today was really something else. I hope you all had wonderful days, my lovely blog readers! Catch ya on the flip side, when I will hopefully have news about my math test (*gulp*). 

:)

I WANT MATH TO DIE

Guess how many other things I should be doing right now instead of writing this post?

1. Work on my Biology lab
2. Study for my math test tomorrow
3. Finish reading the third Percy Jackson book
4. Study for my math test tomorrow
5. Take my dog on her daily walk
6. STUDY FOR MY FREAKING MATH TEST TOMORROW

Most unfortunately, three out of the six pertain to math. More specifically, the test that I have coming up tomorrow. Today I got hit with a painful bag of bricks when I took a four question mini quiz in math that was supposed to help us gauge how well we'd do on the upcoming test (Note: the bag of bricks was not literal. Mostly just metaphorical and also a little bit figurative). In an interesting turn of events I managed to completely bomb every single question on the mini quiz. I wasn't even in the ballpark with my answers.

What is also concerning is before the test my friend Peyton told me one of the answers she'd found out from another friend. It "had to do with the sector problem". Considering my knowledge on what exactly a sector is, is extremely limited, I didn't even know what question to put that answer for. So instead of 1/4 I received 0/4. 

We graded the mini quizzes in class immediately after we took them. We switched papers with the person behind us, and our teacher told us the answers. When I got my paper back, I was not satisfied. In a moment of passion I ripped my paper in two and slammed it on my desk. Not a minute later I found out we'd have to be handing these mini quizzes in to our teacher. I looked at my friend sitting next to me, and pleadingly asked, 

"WHAT SHOULD I DO?!"

She proceeded to ask the teacher what would happen if you ripped your paper in half. He said that you would get an automatic zero. And me, being the idiot that I am, said,

"Well, I already got a zero anyway, so it doesn't even matter."

Big mistake. I felt like every single pair of eyes in the classroom turned to look at me. I could feel my face redden, and the tears forming in my eyes. I rested my head in my arms and tried to not act like a total fool for the rest of the class. I wasn't even able to manage that. As I looked back at my torn paper a few minutes later, I tore it up into even smaller chucks. I wasn't satisfied until the paper was so unsalvageable that I had to throw it in the garbage can. My teacher said nothing. 

Considering today's events, I probably really should study right now, but it seems that even when I do study, I still do poorly on my tests. Sometimes even worse than when I don't study. Since my track record with math has been less than satisfactory, I think I'm just going to have to call this one a draw.

Edit: Also this link because this is the other side of my emotions today besides indignation.
Edit #2: I found this while on tumblr tonight and this is pretty much what happens over summer break.

source