tonight

The past two days were really rough for me until things got way better tonight. The ACT is tomorrow and I've been stressing insanely about that, and Thursday I had so much work to do and I was so exhausted I couldn't concentrate on any of it so I got nothing accomplished for the most past last night. Not to mention that my crippling loneliness is coming back in full swing now that it's getting closer to winter and I'm remembering why I hate having seasonal depression so much. My depression is already such a struggle for me and it just gets so much worse during the winter time. All day long I was just irate. Completely over it, basically. I did work all day long at school and when I got home I had even more to do. I took a solid nap though and that really helped to get me back on the right track. I did a little bit of AP Lit homework, and then at 7 pm Mary picked me up and we went out for a Night of Debauchery.

We enjoyed a lot of time together outside, and then we stopped in at work really quick to check the schedule and after that we ended up driving around for an hour with the windows down, blasting music. We were SO obnoxious but it felt good to not have any cares at all. Mary's mixed CD was an absolute disaster but it was some of the best music I've heard in awhile. I knew none of the words to the songs but I didn't care we just kept driving it felt so relaxing and so freeing. We ended up at a red light while some dance song was blaring, and we were dancing like idiots, and a semi-truck was next to us, and the dude in the passenger seat began jamming out with us and when we noticed we both absolutely LOST it. It was so funny, and we were on the road with them next to us for about a mile, until they eventually turned left, and were gone. We blew them lots of kisses.

My voice is going to be hoarse tomorrow from how much shouting Mary and I did tonight, that is for sure. I'm feeling very contented right now though, and relaxed. my apprehensions have melted away, and tonight while in the car, I just realized that I Do Not Care Anymore. I'm still my own first priority, but I'm not going to be concerned with how I'm perceived by others. I'll do as I please, honestly.

here is a pic I took out of a cute book in my latin class:

:)

"It is fitting that everyone has a dog greeting them when they return home!"

JUST GET A LOAD OF THAT AD + GERUND TO EXPRESS PURPOSE. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE USES OF CUM + THE SUBJUNCTIVE. OH YEAH. 

A lot of people think Latin is a language filled with anger. I'm not saying they're wrong, but we sure can have a lot of fun with Latin too!!! 

i'm not spell or grammar checking this tonight I'm going to bed! 

x

favorite selfies

I'm conceited so what.

Yesterday in my Photography 1 class my teacher gave us cameras and half an hour to take 'selfies that don't look like selfies' and i tell you what it was so much fun.

here are some i rather liked:

Self portraits are pretty hard but so much fun and really rewarding. I have to keep taking portraits every day through saturday and tonight we had to take another selfie. I don't have any really good ones from tonight but this is the one i turned in for credit:

I actually really like the yellow tint to the photo because of the lamp light. My arm is super blurry but I didn't bother to crop it out because I don't care THAT much right now I'm just glad I turned something in! And tomorrow night after I go to physical therapy I'm picking up Mary and we're going to shoot some portraits in the park and then more than likely go to Starbucks and take more pictures and have more fun. 

Tell me what you think of the photos! 

x

another found poem

i listened to a bunch of music a couple nights ago and wrote a found poem with some of the lyrics bc I'm a gay ass nerd

Deep inside me the color's all I see.

Denominations

Our indignation

Take your time, don't hurry,

can't you see I'm nervous, so please

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

But I find it hard to love you

Lying in your attic

Suicide in your arms

To lick your heart

this is the only part of it that's actually good enough to post haha. here's the list of the music i used for the whole thing, so not all these songs may apply to what i have shared here:

i’m looking through you the beatles

clark gable the postal service

without you lana del rey

start of something voxtrot 

my mirror speaks death cab for cutie

hard to explain the strokes

indigo tom milsom

girl that you love panic! at the disco

nowhere man the beatles

seaside the kooks

twin size mattress the front bottoms

zorbing stornoway

arms tonite mother mother

scar tissue red hot chili peppers

it's not a good poem but i like it anyway it has character. i have to work every night this weekend, which kinda sucks but at least i'm making money holllllla. and I got a B on the math TEST that i took today which i was positive i would fail. Pleasant surprises are always nice :) I worked so hard for that grade, too. It was all me. 

look at this cute photo i uploaded to instagram the same night i wrote the shit poem. i like feeling cute ^-^

not to mention how modest my outfit is i really rather like it. a weird sort of empowerment by not showing my neck i guess. i haven't been doing that in a lot of my youtube videos lately, i've noticed a trend. 

in conclusion:

i'm quite exhausted, but keeping a positive attitude is key to being the best i can be. 

Sitting in literature. Stopped paying attention ten minutes ago. Eighty minute mods are interesting.

I stayed up until midnight last night talking to someone on facebook. Having crushes is weird and my feelings are lessening but I'm okay with that. I used to think that having a significant other would make my life magically better, and guess what folks, that is so far from the truth. Right now I feel like no matter what happens between us I will still be happy with our friendship.

The nice thing about mondays is my school day schedule is pretty fast paced and I get out early now because I have a pass to leave the building and a free period as my last class. So my day's over at 2:30 then I go home and I never work monday nights so I get to relax. It's really nice not having to do anything at all.

I've recently discovered I love Lana Del Rey. Not in a "god you're so hot let's frick" way. I just want to be best friends with her. She's such a bad ass I love her so much. Especially her song "Without You". That was my favorite song sophomore year but I actually had no idea Lana sang it. Funny, right?

 When I get home today I'll probably watch a lot of Bob's Burgers on Netflix. I love that show so fucking much. Not to mention the voice actors are amazing. Somedays I just watch interviews with the voice actors on youtube because they're so hilarious. 

Small Revelations

I am wearing shorts today. I thought it was going to be nice outside, but it's just raining. I'm afraid that it will keep raining all day, and that it'll be pouring by the time school gets out. If tat is the case, I'm going to have to take off my shoes and hold them safely in my hoodie because I don't want to ruin them in the dirty water.

In other news, this morning in the car I had a mini revelation. It's not anything grand, and it's something that zillions of people already know, or already knew (in the case of all the people who are dead). For those of y'all who do not live in the good old U of A, you may not know that on our 25 cent coin there is the phrase E pluribus unum, which means 'out of many, one'.

"E" in Latin means 'out of' or 'away from'. If this word is used in a sentence, the word that something is coming out of has to be put into the ablative case. It's just how it is. And while in the car I realized that 'pluribus' is in the ablative case because 'ibus' is an ablative 3rd declension noun ending. And I had a huge nerd moment. Whether or not this makes sense to anyone else but me, I suppose that is not very importnat. At least I know I've actually learned something in Latin class.

UPDATE 5/13/13: As a matter of fact I did take off my shoes, and it was pouring freezing rain and my feet practically froze. On the ride home I wrapped my feet in my sweater. 

Back to School, Unfortunately

After a somewhat relaxing one week off of school, I am back to the usual. The "usual" being sitting in a brick building for 8 hours a day trying not to fall asleep or cry. Such is the life of an average high school student.

My mom gave me a ride to school this morning, and we listened to some CD of hers, and she was explaining to me her favorite songs and it was all quite nice and relaxing. Trouble didn't strike until she pulled her car in front of the school. I carry a three-ring binder around school filled with all of my notebooks, papers, and folders. I only keep my computer and textbooks in my back pack. As I tried getting out of the car, I didn't quite have a tight hold on my binder, and it slipped out of my grip and flew apart on the asphalt. I hastily scrambled to gather all of my possessions  then I booked it into the school with as much grace as I could muster.

What a way to start off school again, huh? 

Is Spring Finally Here

Something was different when I walked into school today. Everyone was wearing bright colors, and I saw at least four or five teachers bringing in boxes of doughnuts for their homeroom.

Maybe it's because Spring is finally coming. 

Wow, It's Been a Long Time

Sometimes it randomly hits me that I've had this blog since 2011. The funny thing is that it doesn't feel like it has been that long. Really it feels like just yesterday I was creating a blog named Infinitely Pi and was writing about pictures of green beans.

This post may be redundant because I post so often about my existential crisis, but SERIOUSLY GUYS IT'S 2013?!?!? I think about how much I've changed over the years and I literally cannot believe how different I am from when I started blogging. My writing style, my world view, and so much more have changed since September of 2011. I've had so many experiences that have shaped who I am today, and I can't help but wonder what else is in store for me that will change me with this coming year.

Even though I am not much older than I was when I began blogging, I am much more mature, and I now can do so many "adult" things. Like driving by myself, applying for part time jobs, and staying up past midnight ;)

My dad really wants me to apply for a part time job this weekend, which makes me nervous. My anxiety has not been getting better recently, but my parents think having a job will help with my depression. I want to work at this discount book store that is by my house, but my parents want me to work in a retirement home.


Who knows where I'll end up? 

Tales of Romance

fuck
frick
frig
friggin
frickin
fudge
fuckin
fuck
fuck
frick

a poem. 

A Serious Blog Post About A Silly Girl

I've been toying around for the idea of this blog post for a long time. And today, I finally sat myself down, started playing my favorite song, and decided to just write it out.

This post will primarily be for all three of you who read my blog that I don't know in real life. I'm not sure if my parents want me posting about this, but last I checked they don't read my blog, and besides, I'm writing this because I feel like I need to.  So, let's get it out there, shall we?

I'm gay.

Pretty much. This is something that I've struggled with in all my whopping sixteen years of life, and I'm finally starting to accept myself for who I am. While I am still trying to find a label I feel comfortable with, I have come very far in the past few months. I do not plan on going into the specifics of all this, but I do feel like I should say I've not turned into some huge lesbian, or something akin to that. I still feel attracted to guys on some level. I'm just working my way through the muck trying to figure out who exactly I am, and who exactly I want to be.

Growing up, I'd always felt different than others around me. I could never quite place my finger on what it was though, which led to many years of insecurity. Sixth and seventh grade were pretty bad in particular for me. I had very few friends, and I felt so incredibly alone. I would go to school early every morning, study hard in all my classes, then come home and do all my homework. What a dreadful life I lead for those two very studious years.

In eighth grade I began to find my voice, which made things considerably different. I made more friends, I cut off ties from those who were not being nice to me. I thought I was gaining confidence, but really all I was doing was building up a mask. I was Hannah -the insanely happy and goofy girl- and that is far from what I felt like inside. I longed to know what was wrong with me, and to know why I felt so disconnected from everyone around me. I began to develop crushes, which I refused to acknowledge. I figured I was just not feeling well. But as I'm sure you know, feelings persist, and I just began to feel even worse about myself.

By the end of eighth grade my mask had been broken down to nothing. I hated myself, I hated life, and I hated the monotonous drone that it had taken on. I wanted to escape, to feel normal again, to feel like myself (a feeling I hadn't experienced in years). I started to have crippling anxiety attacks, which made me despise school and stress and life in general. It was all too much for me to handle. My relationship with my parents was strained, and I began keeping secrets from them. I would not use my computer in front of them, for fear that they would get upset with me (over what, I'm still not sure).

My anxiety stayed around, and by the time I began ninth grade, I wanted to die even more than ever before. I started this blog as a means of escape, but it didn't help much. I still felt like an outsider, I still hated myself, and I hated school. Every morning brought a new fight between my mother and I- me wanting to stay home and her refusing. It began to get so bad I started seeing a therapist to talk about what was stressing me out.

At first I didn't talk to my therapist about my fear that I might be gay. During the beginning of ninth grade I was still lying to myself. It took almost the entire year before I started to even consider the idea. It took me many months to figure out my feelings, and there were a lot of nights spent crying into my pillow. But it's been almost a year now and I'm finally at the point where I am comfortable enough with myself that I can talk about this.

I'm a sophomore now, and I feel more like myself than I have in a long while. I still have bad days. I still have days where I want to die. But it's not every day anymore. Once I figured out what was "different" about me, I began to feel much better. Not at first, necessarily. During the first few months I was a confused mess of emotions, but nowadays I am starting to feel like the version of me that I was always destined to be. 

Latin Mottoes

Recently in my Latin Class at school my teacher had us pick and memorize a famous latin phrase. Do you want to do the same? Here is a complete list :) The highlighted ones are my favorites!

ab ovo usque ad mala:  from eggs to apples

ab urbe condita:  from the foundation of the city

ad astra per aspera:  to the stars through difficulties

ad maiorem dei gloriam (AMDG):  to the greater glory

             of God

acta non verba:  deeds not words

alea iacta est (Caesar):  the die is cast

amor caecus est:  love is blind

annuit coeptis (dollar):  he approves of our beginnings

ante bellum:  before the war

ars longa, vita brevis:  art is long, life is short

ave atque vale (Catullus):  hail and farewell

bis in die (bid) (pharmaceutical):  twice a day

bona fide:  in good faith

bona fortuna:  good luck

canis meus id comedit:  my dog ate it

carpe diem (Horace):  seize the day

caveat emptor: let the buyer beware

cedant arma togae:  let weapons yeild to the toga

cogito ergo sum (Descartes):  I think therefore I am

corrigenda:  things to be corrected

cui bono:  who benefits?

cum tacent, clamant (Cicero):  their silence speaks

louder than words

cum laude:  with honors

cura ut valeas:  take care that you may be well

de facto/de jure:  by custom/by law

de gustibus non est disputandum:  there is no arguing

             about taste

deo volente:  with god willing

deus ex machina (a contrived or artificial solution)

dies irae:  day of wrath (judgement day)

di immortales!:  immortal gods!

discimus docendo:  we learn by teaching

divide et impera:  divide and conquer

dona nobis pacem:  give us peace

do ut des (Roman sacrifice):  I give that you might give

dum spiro, spero:  while I breathe, I hope

dum vivimus, vivamus:  while we live, let us live

dux femina facti (Vergil):  a woman was the leader

            of the deed

eheu fugaces labuntur anni (Horace):  alas, the fleeing

years slip away

e pluribus unum (American money):  one out of many

errata:  mistakes

esse quam videri (Motto of North Carolina):  to be rather than to seem

et tu, Brute? (Caesar):  you too, Brutus?

excelsior (Motto of NY):  higher

festina lente:  hurry slowly

fiat lux (Bible):  let there be light

gaudeamus igitur:  therefore, let us rejoice

gloria in excelsis deo:  glory in the highest to God

ibidem:  in the same place

id est (i.e.):  that is (used before a restatement)

ignosce mihi:  forgive me

in flagrante delicto (legal):  in blazing crime

in hoc signo vinces (Eusebius, sign on Constantine’s

soldiers, the cross):  in this sign you will

conquer

in vino veritas: (there is) truth in wine

Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum (INRI):  Jesus of

Nazareth, King of the Jews

labor omnia vincit (Virgil):  work conquers everything

lapsus linguae:  a slip of the tongue

mea culpa:  my fault

mens sana in corpore sano (Juvenal):  a healthy mind

in a healthy body

nolens volens:  not wanting/wanting; whether a person

wants something or not

nolo contendere (legal):  I do not wish to contend

non compos mentis (legal):  not of sane mind

non sequitur:  it does not follow (doesn’t make sense)

non sibi sed suis:  not for one’s self, but for one’s

people

nota bene (NB):  note well

novus ordo saeclorum (dollar):  a new order of ages

nunc aut numquam:  now or never

obesa cantavit:  the fat lady has sung

oderint dum metuant (Seneca): as long as they fear,

             they hate

odi et amo (Catullus):  I love and I hate

onus probandi (legal):  the burden of proof

ora pro nobis:  pray for us

o tempora, o mores! (Cicero):  o the times, o the

customs!  (bemoaning immorality)

panem et circenses:  bread and circuses (food and

entertainment)

pater familias:  the father of the family

per aspera ad astra:  through difficulties to the stars

per se:  in itself

pro re nata (prn) (prescriptions): for the occasion as it

arises, as needed

qui custodiet ipsos custodes? (Juvenal):  who will

guard the guards themselves?

quid novi?:  what’s new?

quid pro quo:  something for something

qui multum habet, plus cupit (Seneca): he who has

much, wants more

quot homines, tot sententiae:  how many men, so many

opinions

rara avis (Juvenal):  a rare bird

rigor mortis:  the rigidity of death

salus populi suprema lex (Cicero): the safety of the

people is the highest law

sapere aude!  (Horace):  dare to be wise!

semper fidelis (semper fi) (Marines):  always faithful

sic semper Tyrannis (Virginia):  thus always to tyrants

sic transit gloria mundi:  thus passes the glory of the

world

sine qua non :  without which nothing (something

necessary)

si vis amari, ama (Seneca):  if you want to be loved,

love

si vis pacem, para bellum (Vegetius):  if you want

             peace, prepare for war

sui generis:  of its own kind (unique)

suum cuique pulchrum est (Cicero):  to each man his

own is beautiful

sunt lacrimae rerum, et mentem mortalia tangunt

(Vergil):  There are tears for these things, and

human suffering touches the mind

tabula rasa:  a blank slate

terra incognita:  unknown land

timeo Danaos, et dona ferentes (Virgil):  I fear Greeks,

even bearing gifts

trahimur omnes laudis studio (Cicero):  we are all

drawn by desire for praise

ubi fumus, ibi ignis:  where there’s smoke, there’s fire

veni, vidi, vici (Caesar):  I came, I saw, I conquered

veritas vos liberabit:  the truth will set you free

volens et potens:  willing and able

vox populi:  the voice of the people

Math Class Jerks

Since I have chosen not to be in an Honors math class this year, that means that I am in a class filled with juniors. Since I'm only a sophomore, it is a little bit frustrating having to deal with the lowest common denominator of the juniors. Most of them are huge, burly boys who obviously have some sort of inferiority complex. As far as I can tell, the main word in their vocabulary is "swagg". Perhaps they use it as some sort of mating call, and that is why they are constantly shouting it. We may never know.

Most days I can put up with these neanderthals, but today they took it too far. Every friday, we have "large group", which means that all the kids from my teacher's classes (so about 3 or 4 groups of classes) all sit in the auditorium at my school and we get lectured at about math. Large groups are unbearable as it is, but in the auditorium I was in there were spinning chairs so it was a thousand times worse. The scope of movement of the chairs is only about 180 degrees, so the kids like to lean back really far in the  chair and just swing from side to side. Since these chairs are so old, they squeak unbearably loudly.

Obviously, when you are sitting in a squeaky chair, you will respect your peers and not be an asshole and not make it purposely squeak, right? You would think this would be logical, but for about 5 of the dumbest juniors, they like to be jerks and ruin the class for everyone else. For weeks on end, every friday afternoon for 45 minutes, I get to listen to these boys squeak in their chairs, and then laugh as if it is the wittiest thing that has ever been done in the history of creation. They all do it, make eye contact, and giggle uncontrollably like 8 year old girls. I'm surprised no one peed themselves, because they were literally acting like children.

Today, I decided enough is enough. Since I sit right next to them, I said

"Hey, I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop doing that."

I used my "I mean business voice", and after one of the boys apologized to me, I thought it was all over with. I was wrong. Apparently my request that they act like the 17 year olds they are made them upset. They started to squeak their chairs louder than ever, and they were seriously shitting themselves over how "funny" they were being. I was shooting all of them dirty looks, and then I started to hear:

"What made carrot top mad?"

As if they have no idea what is making me angry.

They repeated this question to each other over and over for the last few minutes of the period. Since I am a redhead, they decided that the best way to punish me for expecting them to be courteous was to take a low blow. I was so upset. Not that their comments about my hair bothered me, but the fact that they had the audacity to think that their torments would actually mean something. I'm certain that right now they're all patting themselves on the back, telling themselves and others how they really laid it on me. That is what is upsetting to me. The fact that they are probably proud of themselves and their actions is what hurts more than their childish words.

Don't believe what I'm saying? Allow me to provide an example of how full of themselves these boys are. Today as we were taking notes, my teacher was showing us an alternate way to solve a problem:

Teacher: "So, that is another way you can solve a matrix! Is anyone planning on doing it differently this evening?"

The Cretin: "YEAH, I'm gonna use a calculator!"

The Cretin turns to his friends for validation that he has done a job well done.

The Cretin : "That was a good one!" Cretin repeats this multiple times, certain that he has made a fool of the teacher for saying he would use a calculator, even though it was totally random and had nothing to do with what we're learning. He remained proud of his "wittiness" for the rest of class. 

See what I mean? This imbecile was freaking PROUD of himself for making a comment to the teacher in fromt of everyone, even though it was totally baseless and just made him look like an even bigger idiot than he already was. This is just another reason why I hate this boy and his friends.

Now, I am going to write an open letter to these half wits:

You idiots. Every day when I am forced to share a math class room with you, my hatred for you grows even more. All of you are the garden keepers who carefully tend to my hatred, providing the perfect environment so it'll grow up big and strong. Robert, I am not even going to leave out your name from this post because of how much anger you put into my day. You and your friends may think you're the clever ones, but when I am an adult who is successfully working in a job I enjoy, and you are the one who is working as a janitor, we'll see how cool it was to be an idiot in high school. 

When I say hillshire you say farms.

Today has been really terrible, and it's only 8:30 in the am. I forgot my wallet at home, so I can't buy myself any food. The only good thing that's happened thus far is that I got my mom to write me a note to get me out of swimming class. That's why I'm writing this post right now, instead of taking a dip in the freezing water of my school's pool.

Also on my list of icky things that have happened thus far today, the last 30 seconds of homeroom were extremely distressing. How can 30 seconds be distressing, you ask? Well, right after the bell rang I stood up and I noticed my fly was down. Rather than waiting until I was in the crowded hallway to fix my zipper and have no one notice, I decided to do it right that moment, and I'm fairly sure that my homeroom teacher and two other students saw. I guess on the list of embarrassing things that could have happened, this wasn't so bad. Even so, I'm still reeling from that crippling sort of embarrassment that attacks during situations like this.

How about you? How has your morning been so far?

P.S.- Matt IDK when you're going to read this, but I didn't get a chance to say that I think your haircut looks great! :D 

My Weekend Mission

Yesterday in my Honors Lit class, my teacher gave my class a mission for the weekend. He didn't call it a mission, but it sounds cooler that way, yeah?

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to sit outside on our front lawns for an hour over the weekend with no technology.

Sound easy? I think it will be, considering I have to visit with my grandparents for 2+ hours every week. Whenever I'm there we just sit in the living room and talk, and I know my parents would bury me alive if I used my cell phone, so I don't. Not that I get that many text messages anyhow. Usually anyone who is texting me is okay with waiting an extra hour or so for a response.

I plan on breaking out a lawn chair and sitting in my drive way on saturday evening. I might play Sweet'n'Sour. Sweet'n'Sour, for those who don't know, is a game where you wave at people walking by or passing in cars and if they wave back they're sweet, but if they aren't friendly back, they're sour. When I used to play this with my brother we'd keep track with chalk tally marks on the sidewalk.

I know a few of my blog readers have the same assignment as I do, so I know you'll be participating this weekend. But for any of you who aren't in my literature class, are you going to try this too? I think it'd be interesting to hear your experiences! 

Carpe Diem!

At the request of Lizzie, I am writing a blog post today. Things have been terrible lately, but luckily I won a pencil in Latin class yesterday that says "Carpe Diem". I plan on carpe-ing the living hell out of my diem tomorrow. The reason I won the pencil is because in Latin class we play a game where we all sit on our desks, and take turns answering what a vocab word means when the teacher holds up the flashcard. If you answer incorrectly, you have to sit in your desk. Whoever is left sitting on their desk after she's gone through all the cards twice gets to choose from the prize bucket. Let it be known right now that my Latin teacher has the best prize bucket of any teacher I've ever had. She has temporary rainbow tattoos, pencils with semi-inspirational phrases written on them in Latin, and miniature rubber duckies. The greatest thing about the rubber duckies is that they're all dressed up in different little outfits, and one was actually in workout gear and had a little duckie sweatband on its head. Most. Adorable. Thing. Ever.

La da dee.

There's close to 15 minutes left in the school day, and my throat feels like a little animal is scurrying all around inside of it, it's so itchy! All day it's been itching on and off, despite the fact that I took my allergy medicine this morning. I decided to blog to try and take my mind off the discomfort I'm in right now. I tried reading a book, but I couldn't concentrate. Luckily, I don't have much homework this weekend, so I can relax some.

In other news, Homecoming is tomorrow. Am I going? No. Do I wish I were? Well, sort of.

A lot of my friends are attending this year, and as much as I would love to go, I just do not have the money to buy a dress. I was going to ask my mom to take me dress shopping on Wednesday night, but my dog ended up having a medical emergency and we had to spend the evening at the veterinarian office (more about that escapade will come in a later post...). Basically, I don't have anything to wear, and my parents still don't know the dance is tomorrow. I think I might go to the football game tonight, just for shits and giggles.

I know that Lizzie is going, and my friend Anna, who recently moved away, will be stopping in tonight at the game. I really want to see her, so that is another thing spurring me towards going to the game.

STOP THE PRESSES.

Okay so I'm currently sitting in the school library and on the sides of the bookshelves are magazine racks and I glanced over at an issue of Mad and I looked at the title and I thought it said "ERECTION FROM HELL". After freaking out a little bit, I checked again, and as it would turn out it actually says "Election from Hell." Well, this certainly has been a long week, hasn't it?

BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED POST.

I really want to go hang out with my friends tonight, which is unusual considering these past two weeks or so I've just wanted to be alone. I'm not sure why that is, but I'm hoping it'll pass soon, because being sad and alone isn't necessarily fun, even though when I try to hang out with friends I just get anxious. Go figure, huh?

Welp, it's six minutes until the final bell rings, so I suppose I should call this a wrap. Guess what? My throat doesn't itch anymore ;) 

Since my theme of the week seems to be making meaningless posts and then hastily deleting them, why not add another to the bunch?

This is actually something I've been wanting to write about for a long time, and as a blog reader, you probably had no idea it was going on. Considering the fact that I am very in touch with my blog, and treat it as an extension of myself, I take great care in keeping it in tip-top shape. In other words, I stare at my blog for hours and mull over how great/terrible it is. One thing I noticed about six months ago is this:

Now, before you get all angry at me for the shitty screen shot (you can click to enlarge it, yeesh), and how completely random this is, just bear with me so I can explain myself. If you'll notice there is a red arrow pointing to the third post in my list of "Most Popular Posts". This is a list of my posts that have gotten the most hits, and Blogger has ever so nicely compiled them for your viewing pleasure. This feature is really handy for most bloggers, because it will present their best work to newcomers to their blog. The bad news, for me at least, is that that is not really happening.

The post the arrow is pointing to is titled "Warning: This Post Contains Excess Amounts of Water Fountains". (I've chosen not to link you to this post because it does NOT need any more page views). Ever since March/April-ish that post has been in my list of most popular posts, and I have no idea why. That post is not funny, it probably doesn't make much sense to people who don't attend my school, and the title is really sucky. 

I'm just a little bit upset by this. At least it's not number one on the list anymore, because that was too much to deal with....

Edit 8/29/12: AS OF TODAY THIS WATER FOUNTAIN POST HAS PASSED UP A FAILED ADVENTURE IN BLOGGING AND IS NUMBER TWO ON THE LIST NOW HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!???

Ew

**9/3/13: This is pretty funny. The person I wrote about in this post I ended up dating. We're not anymore, so it's kind of interesting to see my reaction to them pre-dating**

Well, well, well, it would seem I am spending yet another open period at school sitting by myself in the library. For some reason the person who set up my schedule wanted to see me go through a large amount of emotional turmoil because I have NO friends in any of my opens. It's mind numbing sitting by myself for long periods of time, not to mention awkward. I usually just sort of chill and pretend like I'm too cool to care and that I'm not scared as hell.

You would have thought that I would have learned to deal with this by now, considering this is my second year of high school, but that is an incredibly wrong assumption. Even though I am a year older I am still as terrible at initiating conversation as ever. It's not that I don't like talking to people. I love it, really I do. The problem is approaching someone and saying "hello". I've grown accustomed to just talking to my friends and greeting them with a cheery "sup bitches" (even then, I only reserve this for people I know very well).

Right now I am plopped in the library at an individual study station (read: sitting at a desk facing a wall). There is a girl who I am acquainted with who is sitting no less than ten feet away from me, and I am too scared to approach her. Sure, I've sat with her before, mostly at social functions where our mutual friends would do the dirty work to keep the conversation going. I keep looking back to see if she notices who I am, but she's fixed on her computer, and she's sitting in an arm chair by herself so WHAT DO I DO? THE INNER CONFLICT IS ALREADY BUILDING UP.

I'm going to try and calm down and probably edit the shit out of this post then post it and by that point this moment in time will be long gone. I hope you, blog reader, have a ravishing day. 

Back To School

Yesterday was my final day of summer vacation. Considering it was such an emotional day for me, I refrained from blogging. I have a very strong connection with summer, and all of the hours I spend indoors plopped in front of the computer are well earned after a long school year. This summer in particular I was more of a shut-in than usual. Since most of my friends were living their exciting lives, and were on vacations in exotic places, I didn't have many people to hang out with. Lizzie, for one, was in Illinois the whole summer, so I didn't get to see her until just last week.

Meeting back up with Lizzie was quite the emotional experience, to say the least. Saying that I embraced her was an understatement. It's funny how even though we sent letters and emailed the whole summer, I didn't realize how much I'd missed her company until she was right there with me. We hung out as much as possible before school started, but before I knew it all of our days were up. We spent yesterday afternoon at the park, and we both almost died of heat stroke because of how hot it was. All in all, though, it was really fun!

Today, on the other hand, was not much fun at all. The only high point in my day was getting back my Mac book (our school issues us laptops each school year that we are allowed to take home with us and use 24/7). I got almost as emotional when I got my laptop back as when I saw Lizzie again. I'm just kidding of course... sort of.

Nah, I'm not actually that obsessed with my Mac. I think if I had to describe my relationship with it, I would say it's only mildly unhealthy. C'mon, I have a strong bond with this laptop, considering it is the very machine which I created Infinitely Pi on, as well as my Tumblr account!! Both of these are two things I hold dearly to me (well, tumblr not as much so). Every time I look at my computer, I'm reminded of many great memories of internet shenanigans. This bad boy helped me survive my freshman year of High School, which is something I never thought I'd ever be able to say.

Tomorrow is picture day, which is a day I have loathed since childhood, despite the fact that I love looking at myself. For some reason I always found it rather agitating trying to look absolutely perfect for the photo. I much prefer impromptu photo ops, since I always look more relaxed in those.

Take this for example:

This is probably one of my favorite picture of Lizzie and I. In case it wasn't obvious, I'm the dork on the right.

For some reason I can never pull off a smile like that during picture day. 

To wrap this up, just know one thing: I am completely unprepared for this school year, but I guess it's happening and it's gonna keep happening for the next nine or so months. Let's see where Infinitely Pi is then, shall we? 

EDIT: I forgot I added more onto this page today!