Poem/Possible Video

I wrote this poem a while back and I'm wanting to make a youtube video with it. What do you think?

Sleep

It’s funny, I don’t actually mind this feeling. 

It sort of feels like it’s just me all alone in the world,

Even though I know I’m going to hate myself tomorrow morning when I’m exhausted, right now I feel okay about myself. Maybe I’m just going crazy. I don’t know how to tell. 

For some reason at times like these I always feel like I can take on the world. I  get the feeling that I can survive companionless against the world, which I know is not true. 

I need other people around me to survive.

I’m constantly checking in with others, trying to find verification that I’m not dying. Even though I already feel dead, but that’s beside the point.

If it weren’t for my therapist and friends I probably would have killed myself long ago.

That actually scares me.

It’s a miracle- 

i’m so out of control that I could have spiraled

down, down, down.

I’m so depressed now I’m unsure if I’m even going to be able to get myself out of this. 

I’m constantly sad, scared, tired, and confused. 

Yawns punctuate everything I say, 

I want to be happy, but it’s like I can’t remember how.

It’s been so long since I was truly glad. 

I want to be alone for about a week, and be allowed to sleep

But sleep is elusive- it seems no matter how I chase it I can only grab onto wisps at a time, leaving me more exhausted when I wake up. 

Even right now as I write I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing my mind.

I’m writing as though I were writing a term paper, 

and perhaps my disconnection from what I’m writing right now is unhealthy. 

As I read back over what I’ve written,

it doesn’t feel like a diary should.

It seems more like a poorly written novel. Is that how I think of myself? 

I don’t know.

I just want to sleep. 

There you have it! I really want to make a video with this somehow, but I'm still struggling to find a concept that works (I've tried so many different things). Do you have any suggestions? And friendly reminder that you can subscribe to my youtube here!

A Serious Blog Post About A Silly Girl

I've been toying around for the idea of this blog post for a long time. And today, I finally sat myself down, started playing my favorite song, and decided to just write it out.

This post will primarily be for all three of you who read my blog that I don't know in real life. I'm not sure if my parents want me posting about this, but last I checked they don't read my blog, and besides, I'm writing this because I feel like I need to.  So, let's get it out there, shall we?

I'm gay.

Pretty much. This is something that I've struggled with in all my whopping sixteen years of life, and I'm finally starting to accept myself for who I am. While I am still trying to find a label I feel comfortable with, I have come very far in the past few months. I do not plan on going into the specifics of all this, but I do feel like I should say I've not turned into some huge lesbian, or something akin to that. I still feel attracted to guys on some level. I'm just working my way through the muck trying to figure out who exactly I am, and who exactly I want to be.

Growing up, I'd always felt different than others around me. I could never quite place my finger on what it was though, which led to many years of insecurity. Sixth and seventh grade were pretty bad in particular for me. I had very few friends, and I felt so incredibly alone. I would go to school early every morning, study hard in all my classes, then come home and do all my homework. What a dreadful life I lead for those two very studious years.

In eighth grade I began to find my voice, which made things considerably different. I made more friends, I cut off ties from those who were not being nice to me. I thought I was gaining confidence, but really all I was doing was building up a mask. I was Hannah -the insanely happy and goofy girl- and that is far from what I felt like inside. I longed to know what was wrong with me, and to know why I felt so disconnected from everyone around me. I began to develop crushes, which I refused to acknowledge. I figured I was just not feeling well. But as I'm sure you know, feelings persist, and I just began to feel even worse about myself.

By the end of eighth grade my mask had been broken down to nothing. I hated myself, I hated life, and I hated the monotonous drone that it had taken on. I wanted to escape, to feel normal again, to feel like myself (a feeling I hadn't experienced in years). I started to have crippling anxiety attacks, which made me despise school and stress and life in general. It was all too much for me to handle. My relationship with my parents was strained, and I began keeping secrets from them. I would not use my computer in front of them, for fear that they would get upset with me (over what, I'm still not sure).

My anxiety stayed around, and by the time I began ninth grade, I wanted to die even more than ever before. I started this blog as a means of escape, but it didn't help much. I still felt like an outsider, I still hated myself, and I hated school. Every morning brought a new fight between my mother and I- me wanting to stay home and her refusing. It began to get so bad I started seeing a therapist to talk about what was stressing me out.

At first I didn't talk to my therapist about my fear that I might be gay. During the beginning of ninth grade I was still lying to myself. It took almost the entire year before I started to even consider the idea. It took me many months to figure out my feelings, and there were a lot of nights spent crying into my pillow. But it's been almost a year now and I'm finally at the point where I am comfortable enough with myself that I can talk about this.

I'm a sophomore now, and I feel more like myself than I have in a long while. I still have bad days. I still have days where I want to die. But it's not every day anymore. Once I figured out what was "different" about me, I began to feel much better. Not at first, necessarily. During the first few months I was a confused mess of emotions, but nowadays I am starting to feel like the version of me that I was always destined to be. 

Latin Mottoes

Recently in my Latin Class at school my teacher had us pick and memorize a famous latin phrase. Do you want to do the same? Here is a complete list :) The highlighted ones are my favorites!

ab ovo usque ad mala:  from eggs to apples

ab urbe condita:  from the foundation of the city

ad astra per aspera:  to the stars through difficulties

ad maiorem dei gloriam (AMDG):  to the greater glory

             of God

acta non verba:  deeds not words

alea iacta est (Caesar):  the die is cast

amor caecus est:  love is blind

annuit coeptis (dollar):  he approves of our beginnings

ante bellum:  before the war

ars longa, vita brevis:  art is long, life is short

ave atque vale (Catullus):  hail and farewell

bis in die (bid) (pharmaceutical):  twice a day

bona fide:  in good faith

bona fortuna:  good luck

canis meus id comedit:  my dog ate it

carpe diem (Horace):  seize the day

caveat emptor: let the buyer beware

cedant arma togae:  let weapons yeild to the toga

cogito ergo sum (Descartes):  I think therefore I am

corrigenda:  things to be corrected

cui bono:  who benefits?

cum tacent, clamant (Cicero):  their silence speaks

louder than words

cum laude:  with honors

cura ut valeas:  take care that you may be well

de facto/de jure:  by custom/by law

de gustibus non est disputandum:  there is no arguing

             about taste

deo volente:  with god willing

deus ex machina (a contrived or artificial solution)

dies irae:  day of wrath (judgement day)

di immortales!:  immortal gods!

discimus docendo:  we learn by teaching

divide et impera:  divide and conquer

dona nobis pacem:  give us peace

do ut des (Roman sacrifice):  I give that you might give

dum spiro, spero:  while I breathe, I hope

dum vivimus, vivamus:  while we live, let us live

dux femina facti (Vergil):  a woman was the leader

            of the deed

eheu fugaces labuntur anni (Horace):  alas, the fleeing

years slip away

e pluribus unum (American money):  one out of many

errata:  mistakes

esse quam videri (Motto of North Carolina):  to be rather than to seem

et tu, Brute? (Caesar):  you too, Brutus?

excelsior (Motto of NY):  higher

festina lente:  hurry slowly

fiat lux (Bible):  let there be light

gaudeamus igitur:  therefore, let us rejoice

gloria in excelsis deo:  glory in the highest to God

ibidem:  in the same place

id est (i.e.):  that is (used before a restatement)

ignosce mihi:  forgive me

in flagrante delicto (legal):  in blazing crime

in hoc signo vinces (Eusebius, sign on Constantine’s

soldiers, the cross):  in this sign you will

conquer

in vino veritas: (there is) truth in wine

Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum (INRI):  Jesus of

Nazareth, King of the Jews

labor omnia vincit (Virgil):  work conquers everything

lapsus linguae:  a slip of the tongue

mea culpa:  my fault

mens sana in corpore sano (Juvenal):  a healthy mind

in a healthy body

nolens volens:  not wanting/wanting; whether a person

wants something or not

nolo contendere (legal):  I do not wish to contend

non compos mentis (legal):  not of sane mind

non sequitur:  it does not follow (doesn’t make sense)

non sibi sed suis:  not for one’s self, but for one’s

people

nota bene (NB):  note well

novus ordo saeclorum (dollar):  a new order of ages

nunc aut numquam:  now or never

obesa cantavit:  the fat lady has sung

oderint dum metuant (Seneca): as long as they fear,

             they hate

odi et amo (Catullus):  I love and I hate

onus probandi (legal):  the burden of proof

ora pro nobis:  pray for us

o tempora, o mores! (Cicero):  o the times, o the

customs!  (bemoaning immorality)

panem et circenses:  bread and circuses (food and

entertainment)

pater familias:  the father of the family

per aspera ad astra:  through difficulties to the stars

per se:  in itself

pro re nata (prn) (prescriptions): for the occasion as it

arises, as needed

qui custodiet ipsos custodes? (Juvenal):  who will

guard the guards themselves?

quid novi?:  what’s new?

quid pro quo:  something for something

qui multum habet, plus cupit (Seneca): he who has

much, wants more

quot homines, tot sententiae:  how many men, so many

opinions

rara avis (Juvenal):  a rare bird

rigor mortis:  the rigidity of death

salus populi suprema lex (Cicero): the safety of the

people is the highest law

sapere aude!  (Horace):  dare to be wise!

semper fidelis (semper fi) (Marines):  always faithful

sic semper Tyrannis (Virginia):  thus always to tyrants

sic transit gloria mundi:  thus passes the glory of the

world

sine qua non :  without which nothing (something

necessary)

si vis amari, ama (Seneca):  if you want to be loved,

love

si vis pacem, para bellum (Vegetius):  if you want

             peace, prepare for war

sui generis:  of its own kind (unique)

suum cuique pulchrum est (Cicero):  to each man his

own is beautiful

sunt lacrimae rerum, et mentem mortalia tangunt

(Vergil):  There are tears for these things, and

human suffering touches the mind

tabula rasa:  a blank slate

terra incognita:  unknown land

timeo Danaos, et dona ferentes (Virgil):  I fear Greeks,

even bearing gifts

trahimur omnes laudis studio (Cicero):  we are all

drawn by desire for praise

ubi fumus, ibi ignis:  where there’s smoke, there’s fire

veni, vidi, vici (Caesar):  I came, I saw, I conquered

veritas vos liberabit:  the truth will set you free

volens et potens:  willing and able

vox populi:  the voice of the people

Well, It Seems I'm Back!

/break in hiatus

Sorry, I won't be here for long, but I have a few things that I want to discuss with y'all before I continue on with my hiatus.

Order of Business #1: Unfortunately, I still haven't been feeling inspired to write. I've written some poetry, but it is pretty personal and I highly doubt that any of you would be interested in reading it. Some of it treads into teen-angst territory, and I know we all don't want to go there.

Order of Business #2: My youtube channel is pretty successful! I currently have 33 subscribers, which is more than I ever dreamed of having. I've made some really nice friends (see Order of Business #3), and I love responding to comments on my videos. If I haven't self-promoted enough already, here is a link to my channel.

Order of Business #3: The only reason I am writing this is because one of my youtube amigos has kicked my butt into gear. She's also a new member of my blog! Let's all give a warm welcome to Farran Arabella! Besides having a totally kick ass name, she is a total sweety pie, and she herself is participating in a book challenge this year! She's trying to read 50 books, and is documenting her experience on her wordpress blog. You should go check it out!

Order of Business #4: Did I mention I got a new dog? Unless you know me in real life or follow my vlogs, you may not have known this! We rescued her, and she is seven years old, and a beagle. Her name is Daisy. Also, she is missing one of her legs. But it doesn't slow her down one bit! She's quite strong actually, and can balance on her back legs quite well. If she had abs, they'd be made of steel. Yesterday my mom did an impromptu photoshoot of her, and this is the result:

Order of Business #5: I got my driver's license! I turned sixteen back in November, but I didn't get around to getting my driver's license until last week. I did my inaugural first drive by myself yesterday. I went to the grocery store and bought mini cupcakes. It was quite an experience. My mom felt it necessary to document the event with a photo. 

I was not excited to be photographed. 

Also, since Order of Business #5 is sort of a misc. OoB, lemme tell you all that I recently learned to play guitar! I'll probably post a video of that at some point, once I become less terrible at it ;) 

/starts hiatus back up again 

12 Months, 30 Books

I never told any of you, but last year on New Year's Eve I came up with a challenge for myself. The parameters for my challenge were simple: Read 30 new books in the year 2012.  My success is arguable, because while I did read 30 books, not all of them were books I hadn't read before. I just finished reading book #30, and I'm pretty proud of myself. Here is a list (in order, approximately), of the 30 books I read in 2012 (books I've read before will be indicated with a *).

1. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (very, very good)
2. Beach Street Knitting Society and Yarn Club by Gil McNeil (this book was awful)
3. Escape Under the Forever Sky by Eve Yahalem
5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever by Jeff Kinney
6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone* by J.K. Rowling
7. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (This book was also awful, I think I wrote a post about it when I finished it)
8. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* by J.K. Rowling
9. Keeping Corner by Kashmira Sheth
10. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban* by J.K. Rowling
11. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (great book)
12. Because of Winn Dixie* by Kate DiCamillo
13.Dave Barry is from Mars and Venus by Dave Barry (a pretty funny read...)
14. The Sixty-Eight Rooms by Marianne Malone
15.Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman (Surprisingly, I rather liked this one)
16. Comfort Food* by Kate Jacobs (inexplicably one of my favorite novels)
17. Hole in my Life by Jack Gantos (REALLY good)
18. The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane* by Kate Dicamillo (makes me cry)
19. Going Dutch in Beijing* by Mark McCrum (one of my faves)
20. Brida by Paulo Coelho
21. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
22. Does My Head Look Big In This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah
23. Chinese Mythology retold by Claude Helft
24. The Tale of Desperaux by Kate Dicamillo
25. Inkheart by Cornelia Funke (The last time I read this was in 5th grade so I counted it as not having read it before since I didn't remember much of the plot)
26. Paper Towns by John Green
27. Animal Farm by George Orwell
28. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
29. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
30. Peanut by Ayun Holiday (this is a pre-published book I checked out from the library, am I allowed to write about it on here???)

That's my list!! I'm sure as the last month of the year winds down, I'll be able to tack a few more books onto my list. I actually did read more than 30 books already, but I don't think that any of the Dear Dumb Diary books I read when I couldn't sleep actually constitute as reading a real book. Another thing I wasn't sure about including was Homestuck/Problem Sleuth.  Both of those involve quite a bit of reading, but since they're comics, I didn't add them on the list.

Doing this 30 book challenge was so much fun! I plan on doing it in 2013 as well. Do you have any suggestions that might make finding 30 new books to read easier for me? ;) 

Wanna know what I like? Youtube.

My love affair with this website started when I was in about fifth grade, and I went through a phase of watching "Fred" videos. I'm pretty sure most elementary schoolers were obsessed with those videos (at least all the kids I went to school with were...). The weird thing is that I went back a few weeks ago to see if all of the "Fred" videos were still on the site, and sure enough, they were. After rewatching a majority of them I really questioned why I liked them in the first place. The only one I still think is even remotely funny is this one. And saying that I enjoy watching it is a bit of a stretch, but the line about him being "top dog" gets me every time.

A couple months ago, way back in April, I got back into the Youtube scene, after a three year dry spell where I didn't really use the internet too much. The first youtuber I really loved was Nerimon. I first found his "Alex Reads Twilight" series (which I would recommend), and from then on I went and watched pretty much every single one of his videos. After that I moved onto Charlieissocoollike, then Danisnotonfire, and most recently I found a lovely vlogger named Jenna whose channel is called LesbianAnswers.

At this point in time I have pretty much run through all of the videos uploaded on each of those channels, and I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

I'M BACK AND MORE FABULOUS THAN EVER

I suppose it is high time I explain my extended absence of posting. It's not that I wanted to let good 'ol Infinitely Pi grow dusty, but I didn't have much of a choice. What is even more distressing for me is the fact that the post that was front and center on my blog during my absence was about my journaling blunders of long ago. I'm quite positive that is going to be a post I will not be able to live down for a long time.

Now, the actual reason I was gone for so long was because, drum roll please, I was at a baton competition. I believe I've alluded to the fact that I twirl batons in my free time, but I've never actually written a whole post about it. Basically from Sunday through Thursday of this past week I was three states away from my home at the biggest competition of the year: Nationals. There were probably well over a thousand other guys and gals who were all participating, and I met a lot of amazing and extremely talented individuals. Not only that, but I also learned a lot about myself on this trip, such as the fact that I can eat a jumbo pretzel in under two minutes. A few other things I learned on my journey of self discovery include:

• I can only play the card game "Trash" so many times before I start to lose it.
• That sitting in a gym all day allows you to see people's dark sides.
• Drinking three bottles of water in a two hour time span is a terrible idea.
• "Hannah, you can't possibly eat that entire thing of fries."

           "Just you try and stop me".

These, really, are just the highlights of my week spent away from home. There is so much more I could talk about, but I'd really rather not bore you all with a long and drawn out explanation of the ins and outs of my whole week. I will say, though, that the worst part of the entire trip was the car ride. It was ten hours there, and another ten hours on the return trip. My father refused to travel by air plane, so we got to spend twenty some hours in our Ford Escape together. And for anyone who has ever had to travel a long distance with another family member, they'll know it can be a little bit maddening. About four hours in on the way home, I tried to get my dad to play a game with me. The rules went that we played the song "Revolution Nine" by The Beatles and time ourselves to see how long we could last before changing the song. Most unfortunately, as with most other games of my own creation, my father was unwilling to participate. In retrospect, it was probably a good idea we didn't follow through with it. 

All I can say is that I am extremely glad that I am home now. I missed my family, my dog, my friends, and of course I missed blogging ;) 

Edit: I realized I might not be posting again for a week or two, so I thought I would post something to help tide you all over for the next drought. Here's some songs I listened to constantly during my trip. I hope y'all enjoy them as much as I do.

Modest Mouse: The World At Large

Weezer: Keep Fishin'

Alex Day: Forever Yours

The Kooks: Junk of the Heart

I Finally Saw The Avengers

Can I please begin this post by saying that the cast of The Avengers is one attractive group of people? I feel like there is absolutely no beating around the bush here. Those people are sexy.

Now that all of that is cleared out of the way, let me tell you about my experience seeing The Avengers last night. It all began around five 'o clock in the evening, when I was looking at the newspaper as I ate my dinner (a salad, because I'm classy). When I got to the living section, I browsed through the movies that were playing, and The Avengers caught my attention. I've wanted to see it for quite some time now, but whenever my friends went to go see it, I was always busy. Considering it had been playing in theaters for a few weeks already, I knew it was now or never.

I called up my friend Josalyn, who had not seen the movie either. We quickly made plans, and in less than 45 minutes we were at the movie theater buying tickets. It was really hard to contain my excitement. Considering the only things I knew about the movie is what I'd learned from Tumblr, I was interested to see what the movie was really like (I figured it wasn't just one big orgy like I've been led on to believe).

After we bought our snacks (18 bucks in total. It was ridiculous), we went into the theater and got PRIME seats. In the middle row, middle seats. I know that some people think that sitting in the front or back of the theater is the way to go, but quite frankly sitting in the front hurts my eyes and neck. Since the movie has been out for awhile now, and it was a Wednesday night at 7:00, there weren't many people in the theater. That meant that Jos and I could talk and make snarky commentary on the previews as MUCH AS WE GOSH DARN PLEASED.

Of course once the movie started, we quieted down some, but I am the kind of person who talks during movies, and I cannot contain myself on most all occasions. Because of this reason, I rarely go to movies with friends, because not all of my friends like my totally relevant comments on what's happening on screen. A majority of my commentary this time around pertained to the fact that Hawkeye has a smokin' bod. I now understand why my friend Lizzie spammed my email with pictures of him after she first saw the movie. Also, I may or may not have pointed out the fact that Loki has a better head of hair than I do. Another thing that was a main point of interest is the banter between Iron Man and Captain America. They were just so sassy with one another, it made me so happy.

As per usual, once the movie started to get into the rising action, I had to go to the bathroom. This seems to always happen to me, because I always drink waaay too much soda when I'm at the theaters. I was a trooper, though, and I held it (I really should stop challenging myself, but I can't help it). It got really hard to though during the climax of the movie. The stress from all of the action plus the anxiety that I might pee myself created a big stew of stressful emotions. Once the movie ended, we bolted out of the theater and ran to the restrooms.

Overall, I really liked The Avengers. I'm unsure if I'd say it's made my favorite movie list, but it did have some great moments. When I first started writing this post, that what it was going to be all about- my favorite things about the movie. Somehow it ended up me reminiscing about the good time I had with my friend. I really have no regrets.

Side note: Also, Josalyn made me a bracelet!! It is probably the best gift I've gotten from anyone in a long time. People usually don't make me bracelets, and the blue chevron pattern she whipped up for me makes me smile and I get warm fuzzies in my stomach just writing this. Since it's blue, I can also wear it next year for National God Tier John Appreciation Week (our holiday we created this past May. I should really write a post about that...Good times). 

Beauty and the Beast

[Insert angry rant about how much some Disney princess movies suck here]

Just kidding, of course. This won't turn into an angry rant (I hope. I can make no promises). This past Saturday night I did something that I swore I would never, ever in a million years do: watch "Beauty and the Beast". I made this pact with myself long ago, in preschool, as a matter of fact. I remember quite clearly that we were having a movie day, and the chosen movie was, you guessed it, "Beauty and the Beast". I think I made it about fifteen minutes into the movie before deciding it wasn't interesting enough, and going off to play with toy horses.

Ever since that fateful day, whenever I bring up the fact that I've never watched "Beauty and the Beast", and that I never plan to do so, I was often met with gasps, looks of disbelief, and on some memorable occasions, people freaking out at me for thinking the movie was boring. I always took the fact that I had never watched the movie in stride. I don't really think it should be made out to be such a big deal. So I didn't see a movie that some people really life. So what? I just think it's silly when people would get mad at me. Really, I never berate people for never seeing "Mulan" my personal favorite as a child (She was just so hardcore. 'Nuff said).

At this point in time you may be wondering "Well, Hannah, I thought you said you never wanted to watch it? Why did you go against yourself like that?" Just hold your horses for a minute. I'm getting there. It all started because my mother (who had never seen the movie either) brought it home from work one night last week. She told me that they were discussing Disney movies at her office a couple days prior, and when one of her coworkers found out neither of us had seen the movie, she lent us her copy to watch. Apparently it is her most favorite movie from her childhood, and she wanted us to watch it.

After a couple of days where the DVD just sat on our kitchen counter, my mom finally popped the question:

"So, ya wanna watch it?"

I answered hesitantly, weighing the pros and cons of watching it. I knew that by actually watching it my pride would take a major blow, and that alone made me want to say "No, mom, as a matter of fact I do not want to watch that movie". But after a minute or two, I begrudgingly said yes. I had absolutely no idea what we were getting into by popping the disc into the DVD player, but I knew that at that point there was no going back. I was going to finally be watching the movie I had avoided for years, and I wasn't quite sure how to feel. It was akin to sitting backwards on a diving board and falling into the pool. You have absolutely no control of the situation once you're tipped backwards off the board, and as you're in midair you know there is nothing more to be done. Okay, perhaps that is stretching it a bit, but hey, this is my blog. I can use all the shitty metaphors I want.

Surprisingly enough, I actually managed to stay awake throughout the whole film (for anyone who hasn't watched a movie with me before, I tend to drift off to sleep about a half hour into most films). I think the main reason I was able to stay lucid is that I was working on some friendship bracelets the whole time we watched the movie. This meant that I actually had to be sitting up, using my hands, keeping my eyes open, etc. Approximately 90 minutes and two bracelets later, I felt like I had conquered something. It wasn't exactly the sort of self satisfied feeling that comes from, say, passing a test you thought you were going to fail. It was more in the sense of "Wow, I just ate an entire box of ice cream by myself. How the hell did I do that?"

All in all, I am still unsure whether or not it was worth it to watch the movie. I don't really feel like I gained anything by watching it after all this time. I realize that the message of the movie is all about inner beauty and loving people even though they aren't handsome- it's what's on the inside that counts, etc. Really, though I feel like the creators of the movie could have done a better job exhibiting this. I don't know if "Beauty and the Beast" was a fairy tale before it was made into a movie, but regardless of this, I think the creators should have switched some things up. First and foremost, I think that the Beast should have spent most of the movie as a human, and then towards the end of the movie he could have told Belle that he had been cursed and was destined to become a beast on the fifth full moon of the year of the cow or something to that affect. If Belle had stood by him after he turned into the Beast (Despite the fact that she had known him as a human first), I think that it would have been a much better way to show how inner beauty is what counts. Think of it this way: it would take a lot more courage to stay with someone after they become horribly disfigured than if you'd met them that way and  then they become "normal". Obviously Belle is going to want to stay with the Beast at the end of the real movie, because he became a hottie! Your average hunk in the countryside of France. Honestly, who wouldn't have stayed with him after he transformed into a human?

My other point I would like to raise is why Belle actually fell in love with the Beast in the first place. The facts are all stacking up to make the Beast one terrible guy. First off, he kidnapped her father, then held her hostage, and if that wasn't enough, he withheld food from her when she refused to eat dinner with him. I don't know much about relationships, but from what I can tell the Beast would be considered an abusive partner by today's standards. I don't care that he "changed his ways" or whatever. If someone did all of that to me, I would not be quite as forgiving.

What do you, dear reader, have to say on this topic? I know that things can get pretty heated whenever Disney movies are brought up, but I'm curious! Like me, did you see no point in watching some of the Disney movies as a child? Or are you one of the many who hold this movie dear to them?


Side note: I had a totally relevant "Beauty and the Beast" gif I wanted to post on here but I cannot find it >:( Please stand by.

Please excuse me while I freak out. I KNOW IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE. 

Iron and Wine According to Hannah

A couple of months ago I was really into the band "Iron and Wine". I really cannot bring myself to listen to it anymore, because of reasons that are hard to explain, but if I had to put it in words I guess you could say I "got sick and tired of the music". This is a brief explanation of what happened:

In the beginning all was well. I listened to "Iron and Wine" on a daily basis, listening to a majority of the songs. Life was good. 

After about a week and a half or so, I started to get tired of listening to the same songs over and over. I was starting to get a little anxious whenever an "Iron and Wine" song would come up in my Itunes shuffle.

After about a month I was left confused and upset and I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. The lyrics to the songs didn't make any sense to me, and the mystic singing voice was starting to make me uncomfortable.

Case in point: if you don't want this to happen with you, don't go on an "Iron and Wine" binge. I care about each and every one of you who reads my blog, and I just want to prepare you for the worst. Proceed with caution. 

Edit: I got the idea for this blog post in the middle of the night on Wednesday. It seemed a lot funnier at two in the morning. 

Viva El Verano, Suckazzz

Wow, first post of Summer 2012!!  Hold on tight, kiddos, we're going to be in for one bumpy ride these next three or so months. I feel that this .gif pretty much sums up my plans for the months ahead:

Guys this can be the logo for my blog this summer. We can make this happen. (Source: somewhere off tumblr that I can't remember... sorry!)

I hope that I can hone my skills as a blogger this summer. In order to try to speed up the process of pruning my blog, I have a few goals that I wish the achieve by the fall:

1. Post at least five times every week (shouldn't be too hard  >;])
2. Make a vlog with one of my friends (to all of you who comment: who's it gonna be?)
3. Continue on with 'Fun Tunes Tuesday'
4. Write at least one story-arc post per week (this would mean I would actually tell a story, not just blog about things happening in my life exactly at this moment).
5. Go to lots of cool events and blog about them. Maybe even with pictures!!!

So, what do you think? Are these reasonable expectations for myself? I want to hear what you have to say, so if you think there are any other things I should include here on my blog :)

Edit: In regard to number two... Last night my friend Josalyn called me up (gotta love that girl). She told me that she had very recently got a guitar, and that she was going to learn how to play it this summer! That already was enough to make me excited, but then she went on to say that once she gets better we can do a duet. I literally squealed for about five minutes after she suggested this. Guys, y'all better watch out because me and Jos are going to dominate this blog with our duets. I am certain they will be magical <3 

Art (For The First Time In Forever)

I was talking to my friend Matt tonight, and I was griping about how I wanted to do a ukulele cover of "Baby Got Back" to post on my blog, but I couldn't because my brother was working on a major project. He kindly suggested I draw a picture, and that got me thinking. I haven't drawn a picture on this blog since the first few months I started posting. But that was back when I would just relive old memories and illustrate them for comical purposes.

Tonight, however, is a different story. I asked Matt what he wanted me to draw, and, most unwisely, he said I could surprise him. I set off to google, searching for a website where I could draw online for free. Once I got to my destination, I just stared blankly at my vast canvas.

"What to draw... what to draw..." I whispered to myself, tapping my chin thoughtfully. Then ideas struck left and right. I colored furiously, a devious grin spreading across my face. In a matter of less than 10 minutes, I had produced a viable picture. I took my inspiration from "Baby Got Back", and drew a butt. More specifically, my butt.

I know, I know, not necessarily the best choice when drawing for a friend, but I threw caution to the wind tonight. It is  my duty as an artist to post this picture, and post it I shall. Also I would like to note that my butt is nowhere near that voluptuous in real life. 

Matt... I hope I didn't scar you in some way with this. Moral of the story: Don't let me surprise you. 

Next Food Network Star

Note: I pulled this one out of the vault (more commonly referred to as my 'drafts' folder) and I finished it. Since I wrote it on Monday of this week, each time I refer to last night I am talking about Sunday :3

I really need to stop watching television. Even though I rarely use the 'poor reality television show choices' post tag, I'm going to have to pull it out again today.

For the past four or so years, each Sunday night starting in May, my mother and I tune into the 'Next Food Network Star' competition. In years past it has proven to be a nice distraction from homework, and in the middle of summer it gives me something to do when thunderstorms keep me inside. The problem is that this year, they've changed the rules. Before there were 15 or so contestants, and three judges, and each week there was a challenge, one would get axed, etc.

Now, though, there's teams. Each team has five members (one is a group of four now after the elimination last night). There is a team leader for each team who acts as a mentor of sorts to the contestants. After the challenge each week, the judges (there's only two now) choose a winning team, and all of those people are immune for that week. From the two remaining teams the judges choose the weakest member on each, and they have a cook off. From there the judges choose a winner, and who is sent home. Even though I've only seen one episode, I'm guessing that's how it'll be each week. Don't get me wrong, here, I don't mind change that much, it's just that I really liked the way the show was set up before.

Another thing that really bothers me, no matter what television show I watch, is that before I really get to know the contestants, whenever one of them makes a mistake, it's unbearable for me. It's just so...awkward. Last night I literally had to leave the room when one of the guys forgot to pick up one of the ingredients he needed at the grocery store. It's also really awkward for me when I'm trying to watch them compete in front of the camera when they have their video challenges. I swear to god I almost had an aneurysm last night from how stressed out I got trying to watch that show.

Also, I have a theory that Bobby Flay's team is going to win. Just hear me out: One of the remaining judges is Susie  Fogelson, and from her behavior last season, I have every reason to believe that she is going to favor Team Bobby. Just go look back at every episode from the last season of "Next Food Network Star" and tell me she isn't flirting with him, her fellow judge, the whole entire time. She got a choice seat next to Mr.Flay at the judges table, and you could totally see she was enjoying it. Just look at her in this picture:

Honey, he's not even looking at you. 

Seriously, I need to lay off reality t.v. for awhile, before it kills me.

You Guys Should Give Me Stuff!

Remember my cork board? Most unfortunately, it has become extremely cluttered over the past couple of months. I've been planning on cleaning it up for awhile now, but it's hard to commit to it. Especially because I don't want to have to decide what stays and what goes. As I tore through the many layers of memories on my cork board last night, I found stuff that dates all the way back to 2006. Most of the stuff from elementary school had to go. Actually, most of the stuff had to go, to make room for art that my friend Josalyn has given me. There is also some art of my own, and pictures of my family, etc. 

Geez, you guys need to step it up. As it stands right now, my cork board is about 50% Josalyn and Lizzie. I think it would be lots of fun if you, all of my blog readers, made me nice things that I could hang on my board! Yes, this is me being greedy, but as the author of this blog I don't care about being greedy on here. I just realized it might be awkward if no one makes me anything... so you can be the game changer! Hand me stuff in real life, or you can always email me at: infinitelypiblog@yahoo.com 

I just made this email this morning, and it is specifically for my blog. Send anything you want here :D 

Challenges Past, Present, And (Hopefully Not) Future

In light of this whole canceling the Wordsmith Challenge, I've realized something: I don't do well with challenges. At all. As I thought it over last night, I realized that there have been multiple instances in my life where I was presented with a challenge, intrapersonal or otherwise, and I failed miserably.

Instance number one: sixth grade student council elections. I had been a StuCo officer the previous two years, and I wanted to round off with my last year of elementary school as a member of the Council. I figured I had it in the bag since the other students knew I had a history being on Student Council, and that I had helped plan some fun events. What I didn't think of was that sixth graders are mean, vicious animals that don't care about your track record. That year two "popular" girls had run, and I didn't stand a chance in that biased popularity contest. At my elementary school they would always announce the names of the elected right before school would end the day of the election. I remember being shocked that my name wasn't announced, and without even congratulating the elected, I fled from the school, tears streaking my face. My brother thought that he heard my name on the announcements and he tried to congratulate me, and I yelled at him, thinking he was trying to mock me. Of course, that trauma wasn't anything that  a pint of chocolate ice cream and a Sister, Sister marathon couldn't remedy. But from that point I learned that when I am challenged, it doesn't end well.

Another instance of challenge has been ongoing ever since I was a small child. When I was little, I didn't like having to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I would challenge myself to see how long I could hold it in. One memorable night in kindergarten I had to use the bathroom really badly as I got into bed at night, but, being the cocky little twerp I was, I reckoned that I could just hold it all night. I couldn't. Despite this, over the years I still "challenge" myself in the bathroom department. Recently I tried to challenge myself and I ended up almost peeing my pants in Personal Finance after drinking an entire bottle of water an hour before. I don't even realize I'm challenging myself most of the time because I'm so determined to set a new personal record I am unaware of what I'm making myself go through.

In relation to my blog there was the 21 Day challenge, which I failed miserably at because I complain too much and I always forgot to switch my bracelet around. I don't really want to elaborate much on that one, because that wound is still fresh.

And finally, most recently of all, the failed Wordsmith Challenge. Soon enough that will just be an uncomfortable memory. I hope, anyway. Happy Friday, everybody! I'm going to go off and spend the rest of my day on the internet, now. Ciao!