A Serious Blog Post About A Silly Girl

I've been toying around for the idea of this blog post for a long time. And today, I finally sat myself down, started playing my favorite song, and decided to just write it out.

This post will primarily be for all three of you who read my blog that I don't know in real life. I'm not sure if my parents want me posting about this, but last I checked they don't read my blog, and besides, I'm writing this because I feel like I need to.  So, let's get it out there, shall we?

I'm gay.

Pretty much. This is something that I've struggled with in all my whopping sixteen years of life, and I'm finally starting to accept myself for who I am. While I am still trying to find a label I feel comfortable with, I have come very far in the past few months. I do not plan on going into the specifics of all this, but I do feel like I should say I've not turned into some huge lesbian, or something akin to that. I still feel attracted to guys on some level. I'm just working my way through the muck trying to figure out who exactly I am, and who exactly I want to be.

Growing up, I'd always felt different than others around me. I could never quite place my finger on what it was though, which led to many years of insecurity. Sixth and seventh grade were pretty bad in particular for me. I had very few friends, and I felt so incredibly alone. I would go to school early every morning, study hard in all my classes, then come home and do all my homework. What a dreadful life I lead for those two very studious years.

In eighth grade I began to find my voice, which made things considerably different. I made more friends, I cut off ties from those who were not being nice to me. I thought I was gaining confidence, but really all I was doing was building up a mask. I was Hannah -the insanely happy and goofy girl- and that is far from what I felt like inside. I longed to know what was wrong with me, and to know why I felt so disconnected from everyone around me. I began to develop crushes, which I refused to acknowledge. I figured I was just not feeling well. But as I'm sure you know, feelings persist, and I just began to feel even worse about myself.

By the end of eighth grade my mask had been broken down to nothing. I hated myself, I hated life, and I hated the monotonous drone that it had taken on. I wanted to escape, to feel normal again, to feel like myself (a feeling I hadn't experienced in years). I started to have crippling anxiety attacks, which made me despise school and stress and life in general. It was all too much for me to handle. My relationship with my parents was strained, and I began keeping secrets from them. I would not use my computer in front of them, for fear that they would get upset with me (over what, I'm still not sure).

My anxiety stayed around, and by the time I began ninth grade, I wanted to die even more than ever before. I started this blog as a means of escape, but it didn't help much. I still felt like an outsider, I still hated myself, and I hated school. Every morning brought a new fight between my mother and I- me wanting to stay home and her refusing. It began to get so bad I started seeing a therapist to talk about what was stressing me out.

At first I didn't talk to my therapist about my fear that I might be gay. During the beginning of ninth grade I was still lying to myself. It took almost the entire year before I started to even consider the idea. It took me many months to figure out my feelings, and there were a lot of nights spent crying into my pillow. But it's been almost a year now and I'm finally at the point where I am comfortable enough with myself that I can talk about this.

I'm a sophomore now, and I feel more like myself than I have in a long while. I still have bad days. I still have days where I want to die. But it's not every day anymore. Once I figured out what was "different" about me, I began to feel much better. Not at first, necessarily. During the first few months I was a confused mess of emotions, but nowadays I am starting to feel like the version of me that I was always destined to be. 

12 Months, 30 Books

I never told any of you, but last year on New Year's Eve I came up with a challenge for myself. The parameters for my challenge were simple: Read 30 new books in the year 2012.  My success is arguable, because while I did read 30 books, not all of them were books I hadn't read before. I just finished reading book #30, and I'm pretty proud of myself. Here is a list (in order, approximately), of the 30 books I read in 2012 (books I've read before will be indicated with a *).

1. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (very, very good)
2. Beach Street Knitting Society and Yarn Club by Gil McNeil (this book was awful)
3. Escape Under the Forever Sky by Eve Yahalem
5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever by Jeff Kinney
6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone* by J.K. Rowling
7. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (This book was also awful, I think I wrote a post about it when I finished it)
8. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* by J.K. Rowling
9. Keeping Corner by Kashmira Sheth
10. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban* by J.K. Rowling
11. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (great book)
12. Because of Winn Dixie* by Kate DiCamillo
13.Dave Barry is from Mars and Venus by Dave Barry (a pretty funny read...)
14. The Sixty-Eight Rooms by Marianne Malone
15.Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman (Surprisingly, I rather liked this one)
16. Comfort Food* by Kate Jacobs (inexplicably one of my favorite novels)
17. Hole in my Life by Jack Gantos (REALLY good)
18. The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane* by Kate Dicamillo (makes me cry)
19. Going Dutch in Beijing* by Mark McCrum (one of my faves)
20. Brida by Paulo Coelho
21. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
22. Does My Head Look Big In This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah
23. Chinese Mythology retold by Claude Helft
24. The Tale of Desperaux by Kate Dicamillo
25. Inkheart by Cornelia Funke (The last time I read this was in 5th grade so I counted it as not having read it before since I didn't remember much of the plot)
26. Paper Towns by John Green
27. Animal Farm by George Orwell
28. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
29. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
30. Peanut by Ayun Holiday (this is a pre-published book I checked out from the library, am I allowed to write about it on here???)

That's my list!! I'm sure as the last month of the year winds down, I'll be able to tack a few more books onto my list. I actually did read more than 30 books already, but I don't think that any of the Dear Dumb Diary books I read when I couldn't sleep actually constitute as reading a real book. Another thing I wasn't sure about including was Homestuck/Problem Sleuth.  Both of those involve quite a bit of reading, but since they're comics, I didn't add them on the list.

Doing this 30 book challenge was so much fun! I plan on doing it in 2013 as well. Do you have any suggestions that might make finding 30 new books to read easier for me? ;) 

:D

Yesterday I was competing at a baton competition ALL day. I arrived at the arena around 9 am and wasn't out of there until 4 pm. I got 2nd place in all of the individual events I competed in, which is actually pretty good! I mean, getting first place would have rocked, but I'm still satisfied. I'm actually surprised that I managed to do so well, especially considering how my 2-baton routine went. As I'm sure you've gathered, 2-baton routines are just like doing a regular routine, but you're using 2 batons rather than one. This also means that it's easier to drop more and lose focus, which is exactly what happened to me yesterday. The routine itself was okay, but my ending was a total train wreck. To end my 2-baton, I do one "big" trick to leave things off on a good note. At least, that's what it is SUPPOSED to do. I ended up losing control of both batons and they flew in completely opposite directions. Here is a diagram of what happened:

If you can't read all the words, click the picture to enlarge. Also note how there are no batons in my hands.

Here is an accurate visual representation of what took place yesterday. I completely messed up the trick, and one baton ended up next to the judge's table and the other ended up in a completely different lane that someone else was competing in. Because of this reason, I'm really confused as to why I got 2nd place. Oh well, I'm not gonna complain ;) 

I want you to stop everything that you're doing right now, grab a piece of paper and a gel or ball point pen.

Write the word "allele" in cursive in really big, loopy letters.

Fun, isn't it?

That's all :) 

Wanna know what I like? Youtube.

My love affair with this website started when I was in about fifth grade, and I went through a phase of watching "Fred" videos. I'm pretty sure most elementary schoolers were obsessed with those videos (at least all the kids I went to school with were...). The weird thing is that I went back a few weeks ago to see if all of the "Fred" videos were still on the site, and sure enough, they were. After rewatching a majority of them I really questioned why I liked them in the first place. The only one I still think is even remotely funny is this one. And saying that I enjoy watching it is a bit of a stretch, but the line about him being "top dog" gets me every time.

A couple months ago, way back in April, I got back into the Youtube scene, after a three year dry spell where I didn't really use the internet too much. The first youtuber I really loved was Nerimon. I first found his "Alex Reads Twilight" series (which I would recommend), and from then on I went and watched pretty much every single one of his videos. After that I moved onto Charlieissocoollike, then Danisnotonfire, and most recently I found a lovely vlogger named Jenna whose channel is called LesbianAnswers.

At this point in time I have pretty much run through all of the videos uploaded on each of those channels, and I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

Star Gazing

Last night around 9 o clock I looked outside and saw that there was a  full moon. It was prettier than any full moon I'd seen in a long time, because this one was tinted slightly orange, and illuminated the roof tops in my neighbor hood. I grabbed my camera and ran outside to take some pictures, but I discovered quite quickly that my camera's memory card is broken. Defeated, I went back inside.

A few minutes later I heard frantic knocking on my front door. I looked through the blinds and saw my two neighbors, who are in elementary school. I opened the door and said hello, and the girl who is in fifth grade said,

"We saw you trying to take pictures of the moon, and we were wondering if you wanted to go to the Air and Space museum with us to go look through the telescopes?"

I agreed excitedly, and ran to grab my purse and shoes. They asked if I was going to bring a camera, and I was forced to relive the reality that I no longer have a camera that even works, and I am going to have to buy a new one. That ended up not mattering, though, because what I saw will last in my memory for a long time.

The museum was really far out from town, and we had to take the interstate for about 45 minutes to get there. I sat in the back seat with a kindergartener and a fifth grader while there parents drove, and the boy in kindergarten kept giving me advice about star gazing.

"You have to keep your eyes peeled for three stars in a row... That's Orion's belt!' was his most common advice. He also yelled "RED AND BLUE, RED AND BLUE!" every time we saw a police car, but that doesn't really have to do with stars. It was cute though.

Around 9:45 we got to the museum, and all of the lights were turned off in the parking lot so it was pitch dark, and we could just barely make out the shapes of people standing around some telescopes. The night air was hot and humid, yet a slight breeze blew in every few minutes, so there weren't many bugs out, which I was extremely thankful for.

The first telescope we went to, a scientist who worked at the museum showed up how he worked it, and we got to look at the full moon through his telescope. One thing I learned that was particularly interesting is that when the moon is full it's the worst time to look at it via telescope because it will appear flat in your field of view. So we pretty much chose the worst time to look, but it was still breathtaking. I could see all the little craters and mountains, and when I took my eye away from the eye piece my night vision got messed up because of how bright the portion of the moon I saw was.

Another interesting thing I learned is the there is an arrangement of stars in the sky called "The Sickle" and it looks like a backwards question mark, and it is part of the constellation Leo, the lion. There are two stars coming off of the sickle that form Leo's tail, but I found out that one of them is not actually a star, but the planet Mars!

I eventually got to look at Mars through the telescope, and also Saturn. Saturn was my favorite by far. I could see its rings clearly. It was breathtaking, and I say this without hyperbole. Even though I didn't get a chance to adjust the telescopes myself,  I was able to get a chance to look through all of them, and I even saw a galaxy. I can't quite remember the name of it, though.

Eventually, we did have to go home. I finally got back to my house around 11 o clock. All I can say is that was one  of the most interesting things I've done in awhile in regards to science, and I sound like such a freaking nerd but it was amazing. I love astronomy, and I wish I could look through telescopes more often. I wonder if there is an astronomy club at my school, because if there isn't, I want to start one, because I think it'd be so fun to go back and do all that again, except with my friends.

All in all, last night was really great, and I had Josalyn's birthday party earlier in the day which was tremendously awesome and I promise I will write about it soon, I just need to get the pictures.

Background for today: Problem Sleuth screen shot.

Help Me Remodel, Por Favor

I am feeling prosperous today, so I changed my background to loads of cash. What do you guys think? This won't be permanent, either (no one can feel prosperous every day, right?) Anyway, I want to commission all of you once again. I had loads of fun changing up my background for Josalyn's Birthday, and I want to keep up with that, and changing up my blog name too. Please leave some fun suggestions for what you'd like to see in the comment box! I would really love to make this blog more personal with all of you who read it, so it's like we all can own one little piece of it, I guess. Just leave a comment with a name suggestion and background color/theme you'd like. I'll try my hardest to fit your suggestion in! :)

Game Over, Man. Game. Over.

I have some bad news, guys.

I am going to have to quit blogging...

I know, I know, this is all quite sudden. Please bear with me while I explain why this is.

I didn't want it to come to this, but I knew that it would have to happen some day. That day just came closer than I thought. I was hanging out with Lizzie again a bit ago, and I asked for a snack. In her kitchen there were some not-quite ripe bananas (just how I like them). I grabbed one off the top of the microwave, ready to partake in the deliciousness. I grabbed the top of the banana, and started pulling (I was going to say "yanking", but I thought that might have sounded too much like a euphemism). I tried to peel the banana for about thirty seconds, but the peel just would. not. budge. Then, quite unexpectedly, there was a loud SNAP! I looked down and I was holding the banana in two chunks in both of my hands. I had literally ripped the banana in half. I couldn't believe my eyes. Spluttering, I held the banana up to show Lizzie. Both of us were speechless. It was so unprecedented that I made Lizzie take pictures. I HAVE EVIDENCE!

Here I am. Looking devious. Looking Sly. Looking... STRONG.

Look at that. Just look at it for a minute, and let it simmer in your mind. Imagine as I tore it in two, imagine my shocked face, then lead it back to this image of me holding the banana, where it all comes full circle. So I send out my dearest apologies to all of you... but really, I have new and greener pastures to graze with my newfound strength. Really the only possible option I see for me now is to become... you guessed it, a carny. I will travel the world with my other circus companions, and I can live off the money I make pulling apart various fruits. The fruit won't know what hit 'em. Pomiculture will really be taking a blow with this one. 

It's been swell, everyone, but I must make my leave now. I've loved every minute on this blog... but wish me luck as I start my new life. 

<3

Edit: Did I mention that I tore yet another banana in two while I was at Lizzie's a couple weeks ago? Things are really starting to get out of hand. 

Sketch Lyfe

Remember that post I wrote earlier today that was slightly passive aggressive in nature?

I am going to add context now.

It all started yesterday afternoon while I was hanging out with my friend Amber and a few others at her birthday bash. Like the cool kids we are, we partied it up at a hotel. Our room- nay, our suite, was situated on the sixth and uppermost floor of the hotel. Just outside of our room was the balcony, and it wrapped around the entire hotel building, so we could walk all the way around if we so desired (which, as it would turn out, we so desired).

While we were relaxing out on the concrete balcony, looking out at the beautiful world around us,  Amber made a very interesting exclamation:

"That pan asian restaurant looks really sketch."

Now, for those of you who don't know what 'sketch' means, here is a simple explanation:

Sketch: adjective

-mysterious, sketchy, questionable in nature.

Ex: That man wearing aviators and a trench coat is very sketch. 

This comment about the restaurant was extremely, almost unbelievably accurate. Just look at these pictures and tell me that this restaurant does not look sketch.

Yes, sketch indeed.

So sketch. I think the reason it looked so sketch to us is primarily because we had a fabulous view of the roof of the restaurant, which looked a little creepy. Maybe it's just me, but for once in my life, I don't think it's just me. 

Another interesting event that transpired at this party was we wandered around the same balcony as before, but we went all the way around the building. Since we had previously gone swimming, we were all wearing our swim garb/bras/actual clothing (we all had some varying clothing choices). Everything was going swimmingly, our rendition of 'Beez in the Trap' being belted to the high heavens, when quite unexpectedly, we passed by a window. Not just any window. A floor to ceiling window that was spread about three window spans wide. Inside the window was a bunch of adults sitting in a dining hall. We proceeded to flip the heck out and we all skipped town. And by skipped town I mean we shrieked and ran away as fast as we could, then snuck back over to the windows and ran like maniacs in front of them again. I am quite positive we seemed absolutely sketch to the people sitting in the dining hall. 

All in all, it was a great party, and I wish I could write more about it, but I feel I have covered the highlights quite nicely. 

Also, this whole time I've been writing this post, I've been listening to this song. I've never posted a song from youtube onto my blog before, but I think if you click on the image it'll play the song? Enjoy :)

I just really like The Vaccines okay? </3

Unst. Unst. Unst.

Today was my friend Amber's birthday. Me and two other friends of mine planned a little... surprise party for her. Since we had YET ANOTHER late start at school this week, we thought that it would be a great opportunity to throw Amber a little par-tay. Last night we baked her some cupcakes, and wrapped up her presents in preparation for today.

This morning ended up being a magical experience for everyone involved, and the cupcakes were numerous in quantity and explosive in flavor. Amber, being the cutie patootie she is, had a great time. At least, I hope she did! Otherwise she's just a really good actress. So...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D <3 (See this? It doubles as a heart AND a party hat. 2X BEST FRIEND LOVE COMBO)

In other news, this morning my friend Lia told me she wanted to be mentioned in a blog post. Unfortunately her name isn't different colored because I don't have a website to link her to, because I don't know any of her tumblr url's. Wait... Lia. There we go. Now her name is colored.

I hope you all had a wonderful, magical, wonderful, fabulous, exciting, flamboyant, colorful, exuberant day.

Oops, I just realized I had typed 'wonderful' into that list twice. There. Fixed.

Side note to Amber: I hope you read this, chickidee! How's it feel to finally be one of the cool kids? >:D (aka, 15 year olds)

Here We Go Again

I feel like I haven't legitimately posted in quite some time. Tonight I thought I would express via pie chart (YESSSS) why I haven't been stirring up more posts for you all. The internet is the problem here. It's too addicting, and I'm caught under its spell.

Sorry for the sloppy screenshot. I don't really feel like redoing it.

Anywho, this is the reason I haven't been blogging. At all. It's also the reason why I don't have my closing argument prepared for a debate I have to take part in, in Economics tomorrow. I plan on winging it. I'm sure I'll have some delightfully cringe-worthy story to share with you all about it soon enough. 

EDIT: My team and I actually ended up winning the debate. While the experience was cringe-worthy in more than one aspect, I never really got around to posting about it. I'm sure if I tried to now, it'd be really irrelevant. 

Happy Sunday

THEY'VE ARRIVED :D :D :D :D :D

I've been waiting since November of 2011 to buy my Gorillaz converse, and yesterday, all of my dreams finally came true.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I had to save my money for such a long time, that when they finally came in the mail, I almost couldn't believe it! I don't really want to mention how much they cost, since I am literally broke now (I need a job ;u;), but they are well worth the money. 

In other unrelated news a couple of days ago I was looking through my room and I found some Guatemalan Wishing Dolls my Spanish teacher bought for me back in seventh grade. I can't really remember why she gave them to me, but when she came back from a trip to a Cinco de Mayo fair in Texas, she presented them to me. I think the reason I got them may partially be because I had what I like to call a "moment" in front of her, where I had a terrible day and I ended up crying in front of my whole Spanish class. It's a long story, I was an emotional preteen, 'nuff said. 

Anyway, I had forgotten about them completely, and when I found them I got excited. Basically what the Guatemalan Wishing dolls are, are extremely tiny little dolls that you make wishes with, and then put them under your pillow while you sleep, and when you wake up, your wish will come true that day. I tried it once, but I ended up losing the doll in my bed, so I am now one short in my collection. They were sitting in a little box on my shelf when I found them. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure:

Here are two out of the about ten that I still have. They are extremely small, and it was hard to get good pictures of them. My favorite aspect of the little wishing dolls is that they all have different outfits, and some even have little hair made out of tiny little rocks glued to their heads. I am thinking I might make myself some this summer :D 

P.S.- Happy Belated 4/13!! >:)

As you probably know, I pride myself on knowing how to play a little somethin' somethin' on the ukulele. It doesn't matter that my skills are, how you might say, below par. Recently, though I've come across a slight issue. I'm running out of ideas of songs to learn how to play. I've left it up to you, the reader, to give me suggestions, because I'm all out of good ideas. Is this lazy? Yes. Is it a little selfish? Also yes. But I want to hear what you guys think! So, comment away!

Baby, Won't You Be My Girl?

Today started with some very inauspicious events. It all started because I slept through my alarm, and my mom had to come into my room and wake me up (I am going to blame day-light savings time for this). Things managed to go fine from then on until I was walking into school, and I threw up a little bit in my mouth. Grossed out? Yeah, I was too. I thought, "Well, I guess that's just the sort of day it's going to be," but then another little voice in my head went, "No, not on my watch! Go kick some High School Butt!" I have decided to listen to the second voice, thankfully, so I am going to have a fabulous day.

The other subject I want to elaborate on this morning is Foods class. Now, for any of you readers who have been in high school, you've probably had to take some form of a Home Ec class. At my school they have Human Behavior, Child Development, Fashion, and you guessed it- Foods. I am in Foods 1, which is probably the easiest class I have ever taken in my entire life. The only way the class could be hard is if someone had virtually no kitchen experience whatsoever. And, based on who I've had to cook with, that would be about 1/3 of the class.

I'm not kidding here, people. I had to be in a group with kids who didn't know how to wash dishes. Don't ask how someone can mess that up. It's common sense right? Wrong. I won't go any deeper than that.

Since we change groups of four every two weeks or so, I've had the chance to work with just about everyone in my class. Because I don't have any friends in my Foods class, I mostly just keep to myself. I didn't think that anyone else really paid attention to me, until one day about two or so weeks ago. The following dialogue took place:

Random Boy: Hey, is M's(I won't mention names) girl here?
Random Girl: Points at me.
Random Boy: No, no. Use your eyes.
Random Girl: Whips her head around to look at me. 
Me: Uh...
Random Girl: Don't worry, it's not a bad thing!

To this I responded eloquently with a "WTF", but I gathered no further information except that I am someone's "girl". Since I have never been someone's girl before, I am not sure how to deal with this situation. What weirds me out even more is that the boy who seemingly likes me is one of the bad dish washers. This is so surprising because I actually told him he wasn't washing dishes correctly, and that he needed to refill the sink on the side with the garbage disposal. Apparently he didn't mind this. My friend suggested that perhaps he likes my assertiveness. I am not entirely sure that's it. Every Foods class since then those kids have alluded to the fact that the one bad dishwasher has a little thing for me.

I hope I can update with more information about this. I have Foods first period today, and since it's homeroom right now, I have about fifteen minutes to mentally prepare myself for whatever I'm going to have to face. Wish me luck!

Not Today...

I decided I wasn't going to post about the whole 21 day challenge thing today because writing multiple posts about it is becoming troublesome, and I want to post about other stuff. Also, I forgot to wear my complaining bracelet today.

So, thanks to my friend Liz, who graciously gave me blog suggestions, I have decided what I would post about today.

School.

Ah, yes, I have made brief mentions of this magical and sometimes quite awkward environment which I must force myself to attend each day. But now I have decided I would delve deeper into my daily experiences there.

I'll start with today. My day had been going swimmingly until about an hour before school let out. See, I carry a reusable water bottle around school with me because I am so caring for the environment like that. Unfortunately, I managed to leave my water bottle in my Geometry class room and continue onto my last class of the day, Child Development.

Once I arrived in Child Development I promptly realized that something was not right. It took me a minute to realize that I did not have my water bottle. I asked my friends if they had seen it, but no one knew where it was. I asked my teacher to let me leave the classroom so I could do some sleuthing, and she agreed (which I find surprising, because I ask to leave her classroom all the time to do various things within the school, but she never really seems to care...)

After beginning my quest to find the missing water bottle, I had to do some back tracking. Of course I did not know at the time that I had left the water bottle in my Geometry classroom, so I wandered aimlessly for sometime trying to think of where it could be, until I ran into some of my friends. After a quick chat informing them of my plight, I figured it was about time I return to Child Development.

With a broken spirit and still water bottle-less, things were not looking up. Eventually the final bell chimed and school was let out. I decided to go back and search more for my water bottle. At this point in time, you may be wondering why I wanted my water bottle back so badly, and that is because it is my only good water bottle that is the correct size for me, and I was not going to let it get away that easily (Didn't you just love that run on sentence?)

Eventually, after some more fruitless searches in other classrooms, I walked up the stairs to my Geometry room. It was locked. I proceeded to loose control and ape out, until I realized that there might be a teacher around who could unlock the door for me. I asked the nearest teacher I found if I could gain access into the classroom.

"Sure," she said, "just lock the door after you."

I gratefully took the keys from her hand and walked to the door that was approximately 3 feet from her desk. I awkwardly fumbled with the keys for a moment, and then spent the next 30 seconds trying to unlock the door. Why it took me that long, I'm not sure. But in the end, like a shining beacon in the night, I saw my water bottle sitting on the floor. I did an internal happy dance, picked it up, and walked out the door, locking it behind me and returning the keys to the teacher. I proceeded to strut out of the school, thinking to myself,

"Man, when did you become so awesome?"

And that's the end of that. I hope I didn't bore you all to tears with this story of my daily life. More to come soon, I promise!

21 Days

I found an interesting youtube video a couple of days ago by the user Nerimon. In the video he described how he had a bracelet that he was going to wear for 21 days, and every time he complained he would have to switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. It's supposed to help break the habit of constantly complaining, and I thought that was interesting because I know that I certainly do more than my fair share of complaining, by making you aware of how much you do it. I've decided I'm going to try this 21 day challenge in the coming weeks. I hope it'll work out! But before I can begin, I need to make a bracelet. What kind should I make? Alpha, normal or Kumihimo? Please leave a comment telling me which! :) (Note: I am directing this primarily at you, Jos, since you so willingly told me you read my blog. You had better comment >:) You can do it anonymously, because you don't want to be bothered with making account, but nonetheless...)

Mystery Diagnosis: Blogger Anxiety *updated*

I am sure that most anyone is familiar with the television program Mystery Diagnosis. Basically what they do on the show is tell the stories of people who had bizarre medical problems and after much emotional turmoil and many years of false diagnoses, the doctors finally figured out what was wrong.

Lately I have been feeling like something was off, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. Whenever I thought about my blog, I'd just stuff the idea back into a drawer in my mind, saying "Oh, can't think about that right now!" and carry on with my daily business as usual. Then I got to thinking about it, and I made my diagnosis. I have blogger anxiety. 

Blogger Anxiety is a rare medical condition when a blogger gets six followers. At first she is elated that six people like her enough to follow her blog, but then thoughts start to pop into head, making her question if what she's writing is still any good.

"What if my followers won't like it if I post that?"

"What if they think that's not funny enough to post about?"

"What if everyone thinks I'm stupid and hates me and will unfollow my blog?"

These are just a few of the questions that a blogger with blogger anxiety will ask themselves. Eventually these questions and more will start to eat away at them, making them anxious and not want to post or even think about their blog. 

There is only one known cure for blogger anxiety: ice cream. Lots of it.

Well, not worrying about other people's opinions helps too, but I like ice cream, so that's staying as the cure. C'mon, listen to me, I am a doctor you know. 

(source)

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news.

I've got a bad case of the lovin' yousssss

**UPDATE**

Ah, so I was thinking about this post this morning and I thought about how there are so many blogs where there are hundreds of followers. And I thought to myself, "Geez, I'm a wimp". Oh well, I hope someday that I can have a million gazillion followers too, but for now, six followers is pretty great. 

Socially Awkward

Last week, I noticed that I have a slight problem on my hands.

As I was walking to my Geometry class, I passed by a guy I know. Well, I don't know him, but he is friends with all of my other friends. I have seen him at social outings and such, but at this point I still don't feel like I can just approach him and start a casual conversation. So as I was passing by him, I was confronted with a dilemma: Do I or do I not say 'hi'? 

Okay, this is a terribly insignificant problem, which I suppose is a good thing that this is what my daily drama consists of, but it still made me anxious. I feel like he was having similar thoughts about the situation, because we both made brief eye contact, said 'hi' quietly, and I continued on my way briskly. 

Now I am concerned that I am going to have many more uncomfortable confrontations such as this. Anyone have any advice?  

I don't know, sometimes

I came across this while taking this quiz today. All I am going to say is that my answer was 'Very Accurate'