Poem/Possible Video

I wrote this poem a while back and I'm wanting to make a youtube video with it. What do you think?

Sleep

It’s funny, I don’t actually mind this feeling. 

It sort of feels like it’s just me all alone in the world,

Even though I know I’m going to hate myself tomorrow morning when I’m exhausted, right now I feel okay about myself. Maybe I’m just going crazy. I don’t know how to tell. 

For some reason at times like these I always feel like I can take on the world. I  get the feeling that I can survive companionless against the world, which I know is not true. 

I need other people around me to survive.

I’m constantly checking in with others, trying to find verification that I’m not dying. Even though I already feel dead, but that’s beside the point.

If it weren’t for my therapist and friends I probably would have killed myself long ago.

That actually scares me.

It’s a miracle- 

i’m so out of control that I could have spiraled

down, down, down.

I’m so depressed now I’m unsure if I’m even going to be able to get myself out of this. 

I’m constantly sad, scared, tired, and confused. 

Yawns punctuate everything I say, 

I want to be happy, but it’s like I can’t remember how.

It’s been so long since I was truly glad. 

I want to be alone for about a week, and be allowed to sleep

But sleep is elusive- it seems no matter how I chase it I can only grab onto wisps at a time, leaving me more exhausted when I wake up. 

Even right now as I write I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing my mind.

I’m writing as though I were writing a term paper, 

and perhaps my disconnection from what I’m writing right now is unhealthy. 

As I read back over what I’ve written,

it doesn’t feel like a diary should.

It seems more like a poorly written novel. Is that how I think of myself? 

I don’t know.

I just want to sleep. 

There you have it! I really want to make a video with this somehow, but I'm still struggling to find a concept that works (I've tried so many different things). Do you have any suggestions? And friendly reminder that you can subscribe to my youtube here!

Music

Here's some music for your ears.

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (Post Punk Version) 

Song for the Painfully Indie 

Moving On

Don't Look Back

A Little Irony

Postcards from Italy

Rockin' the Suburbs

Do you have a favorite?

New Vlog Channel!

I finally made a new youtube account! Now I will be uploading all videos onto there, and I probably will not be posting them on my blog homepage anymore because that is extremely tedious. If you want to check out my channel, you can do that here. I will be posting random vlogs and anything else I feel so compelled to share with the internet. I've wanted to have a vlog channel for a long time, and now it finally exists! So if you have a youtube account, feel free to subscribe to my extension of Infinitely Pi :) 

Popping in for approximately 56 seconds

Sorry for the background noise--I forgot to turn off the t.v.

Wanna know what I like? Youtube.

My love affair with this website started when I was in about fifth grade, and I went through a phase of watching "Fred" videos. I'm pretty sure most elementary schoolers were obsessed with those videos (at least all the kids I went to school with were...). The weird thing is that I went back a few weeks ago to see if all of the "Fred" videos were still on the site, and sure enough, they were. After rewatching a majority of them I really questioned why I liked them in the first place. The only one I still think is even remotely funny is this one. And saying that I enjoy watching it is a bit of a stretch, but the line about him being "top dog" gets me every time.

A couple months ago, way back in April, I got back into the Youtube scene, after a three year dry spell where I didn't really use the internet too much. The first youtuber I really loved was Nerimon. I first found his "Alex Reads Twilight" series (which I would recommend), and from then on I went and watched pretty much every single one of his videos. After that I moved onto Charlieissocoollike, then Danisnotonfire, and most recently I found a lovely vlogger named Jenna whose channel is called LesbianAnswers.

At this point in time I have pretty much run through all of the videos uploaded on each of those channels, and I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

Happy Sunday!

I have no explanation for this sorry guys. 

A Vlog Sans Music

I have been majorly lazy lately and I've slacked off on making Fun Tunes Tuesday videos. Instead for this week I just recorded a quick vlog before I had to leave for the day. There really isn't much of a point to this video besides me rambling about my how my life's been going for me these past few weeks. Enjoy?

I love how the thumbnail image for the video is me munching on my ukulele. Classy.

Don't Trash This Post You Hear Me Hannah

I am not including this post in my Fun Tunes Tuesday series because quite frankly it is not fun one bit. I think I wrote this song sometime in the beginning of February of this year, when I was still a relative newbie to the ukulele (which explains the lack of chord variation and poor quality in general). Pretty much November through April of this past school year was a particularly rough patch for me, because I had to deal with the fact that one of my best friends was going to have to move away over the summer. The stress of realizing I would have to live without her really bothered me. I started to get stress induced rashes and I worried even more than usual (which is really saying something, in my opinion). That is why I wrote this song, because I thought that it could help me drain out some of my negative feelings about the situation. At the time I despised the song, rarely playing it, and I even considered throwing it away. After letting it sit in my notebook for a few months, I revisited it last week, and I am glad I didn't throw it away. It is an odd sensation looking back at the state of emotional turmoil I was in then, but it makes me feel proud of myself that I was able to at least express my emotions in a somewhat productive manner. Luckily my friend found out she no longer has to move, so I guess the song is a tad out-dated, but I feel like it acts as a sort of anthem for that period in my life. It was a time of great stress, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, hatred, and so many other things all balled up into one. Thus this song was born.

Uploaded from Youtube. Maybe the videos will work better this way -.-'

That's it, in all of it's weird and uncomfortable glory. I would also like to point out that I had been listening to a heck of a lot of Ingrid Michaelson before I wrote this song, and I can't help but feel like that influenced this fiasco in some way. I hope that you enjoyed, and please leave your feedback in the comments section below! 

Note: When I originally made this post a few days ago I had called the draft "Don't Trash This Post You Hear Me Hannah" because I wanted to make sure I actually posted this song. I decided I like that title, so it stays.

Edit: Josalyn is one smart cookie, and she suggested I post the lyrics to my song:

Even though I know that you can't stay
I still like to picture you by my side.
You already leave me in the summertime,
Now why must you disappear for the winter months too?


I face each day all alone,
like I don't already know
all of the things this cruel world
has in store for me


Yes I know that things are building up.
And yes I know that time will never stop,
but I still want you to know that I care...


Even though I know you've gone away,
and are no longer by my side,
I need to learn to breathe in the summertime,
and fight off the cold and dark in the winter too. 

Popping In To Tie Up A Few Loose Ends...

Hello my fabulous blog readers!! This isn't going to be much of a post- I just wanted to stop in to clear up a few things/share some information.

First on the agenda: Fun Tunes Tuesday

Much to my distress, I have been having issues uploading my Fun Tunes Tuesday videos to Blogger. Whenever I try to I get an error message. I'm not sure why, and I have sent an urgent email to the trouble- shooting people at the Google Corporation. I haven't heard back from them yet, and I doubt I ever will. If any of you know anything about videos and how to upload them, be my guest to share some advice! 

Edit 6/21/12: In case any of you were wondering, I never heard back from the Google team. What jerks.

Second on the agenda: The Legend of Korra

I don't think I ever blogged about this, but I started watching the Nickelodeon show "The Legend of Korra". I had watched "Avatar; The Last Airbender" way back when in fourth grade, and when I found out that the creators were making a follow-up series this year, I knew I had to tune in. Most unfortunately for me, though, I was way too busy with school and homework and life in general to watch the episodes when they aired on television. That is why I resorted to watching the episodes online. I am officially caught up on all the episodes now (Woohoo!) I think that Bolin and Korra is actually quite a cute pairing, and I can already see it creating quite a bit of shipping-related stress in my life later on (I apologize in advance for any dramatic blog posts I may write about them. I really don't want to have to relive the whole John and Gamzee fiasco, but if it comes to it, we just might have to).

Third on the agenda: My dog

I have a dog named Izzy, and she is a daschaund dachschund  wiener dog who is thirteen pounds of feisty energy. She is seven years old, approximately, but she still tends to act like a puppy. I sometimes forget this, so I was in for a real shock on Thursday when my dad picked me up from my last day of school and told me he had news about Izzy. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was going to die, and started to panic a little. It turned out she wasn't going to die, but she was going to have quite an upset stomach. Apparently earlier that afternoon Izzy had been running around my backyard, doing what most average dogs do (frolicking and whatnot), and then very suddenly she found a baby rabbit. The rabbit was weak and scared and Izzy easily captured it. My dad saw her and started running towards her, trying to get it out of her mouth. To ensure that she could keep the rabbit, Izzy swallowed it whole. My father recounted the gruesome sight he saw as one of the final back legs got pushed into her esophagus. The score in my backyard is currently as follows:

Izzy: 7

Bunnies:0

Izzy turned out to be fine, though she did have a little diarrhea, and refused to eat her dog food that night (I wasn't surprised, after she'd had a meal that big). 

~

That's it, everyone! As per usual none of these topics really deserved a whole post, so I am smooshing them together for convenience's sake. Since I don't really know how to end this post, enjoy this video of me dancing:  

Since the previous video I uploaded of myself wouldn't work, let's see if this one will! (Another edit from 6/21...)

Edit: Oh goodness, I left something out!! The poll results are in, everyone! I asked the question "How much do you love the writer of this blog?" And despite the fact that I used 'writer' instead of 'author', you all answered truthfully (I hope). There were 16 votes for "I love her THIIISSS much" and one vote for "I don't like her at all". The other two options (I like her quite a bit & I feel  indifferent) had no votes. Time for a new poll!! :D 

Edit 2: Wait, I forgot another thing!! I guess this would be fifth on the agenda, so here we go: WWND

Does anyone else remember when I did the 21 days challenge? The bracelet that I made, the WWND bracelet, had disappeared a couple of weeks ago. Despite never mentioning it to any of my friends, I was secretly freaking out inside. Even though I am not doing to challenge anymore, I still like to wear the bracelet so I can ask myself, What would Nerimon do? Anywho, I was with one of my friends a couple of days ago and we were going to go on a walk, but it was a little chilly outside so I offered her a jacket. I had about four different jackets in my room at the time, and she chose the windbreaker. She stuck her hands in the pockets and PULLED OUT MY BRACELET. I gasped and then promptly began to FREAK THE HECK OUT. I think I may have hugged her. I am so glad I have my WWND bracelet back <3

More ukulele and also some emotions

Yesterday I went through a lot of friendship drama. Me and one of my best friends got into a pretty nasty fight, and it was a terrible experience, all in all. In the midst of the tirade, I wrote a song about being an angsty teenager with friendship issues. Despite the fact that these issues have been resolved, I still want to post this song. I think that my voice sounds really flat/sharp/whatever in this song, but no matter!! Also, I switch strumming patterns approximately three times, and I don't know if it makes the song sound better or if it just sounds terrible. My guess is it's a flavorful mix of the two.

I don't know if I like this song or if I hate it. 

My little bit of talking at the beginning isn't referring to my friendship working out better next time. It was because I had gone through about 6 separate attempts at recording the song, and I was pep-talking myself because I guess that's what I like to do.

Here, if that made you feel weird inside, just listen to this little tune I am posting specifically for the purpose of bringing back any feels that could potentially have been destroyed by my poor song writing/warbly singing voice. 

I made up this tune when I first got my uke, and I've been desperately been wanting to use it in a song ever since :P

Peace out for tonight, homies. 

We Need Music

As of right now I've decided this blog needs more music on it. Not my music, per se, but just more music in general. That's why right now I'm going to post some of my favorite songs from the past few months:

The Vaccines: Norgaard

The Killers: Human (Armin Van Buuren Club Remix)

Alex Day: Lady Godiva

Guster: Satellite

I have absolutely no idea if posting these songs counts as copy right infringement of some kind, but I don't really see why it would be, since I am not taking credit for these songs, and they were on youtube in the first place. Anyway, I listened to all of these today, and I like them all quite a bit. I don't know which is my favorite. Which do you like the best? 

A Failed Adventure in Vlogging

Remember when I blogged briefly about those people my friends and I met on Omegle? Welp, I wrote a song on Saturday about all of the strange and exciting feelings that come along with actually meeting someone cool on the internet.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a good singer, and this is really off key and terrible, but Lizzie really wants me to upload it, so upload it I shall. Also, you guys finally get to hear what I sound like! (For those of you who don't know me in real life). I am curious if it meets your expectations!

Also, the video quality is crap, but I had to use my semi-broken camera for the job, because I don't know if the library is still loaning out cameras this late in the school year...

I just rewatched the video, and HOLY CRAP THERE IS A LOT OF GREEN IN MY ROOM. Green shirt on me, green wall behind me, green bedspread next to me. Just... geez. I need to get control of myself, and green isn't even my favorite color! :o

Note to the people I wrote this about: Is this creepy? I don't know, because quite frankly if someone I hardly knew wrote a song about me, I would be flattered. But then again, I am a questionable individual. 

Another thing! As I mentioned, I wrote this song rather than doing my homework, and guess what?! I recorded it instead of doing homework too! Gosh, you guys should be grateful I am such a dedicated b/vlogger. Yeesh. 

Lyrics:

-I made fun of the decor in your house because I didn't think you could hear my voice at all.

-Chatting with a web cam is something really new to me.

-Subtleties and inquiries about everything that's happening in my life.

-How is it possible I have so much in common with you?

(Chorus)

-I don't even know your names

-But now I just can't move on.

-You didn't try to show me your dick and that's a quality that sticks

-whenever I'm looking for a friend