Parts of An Internal Monologue

OW PERIOD CRAMPS THIS REALLY HURTS

It's 7 am and I'm in fuzzy pajamas eating oreos out of the box while my stomach feels like it's being stabbed. And that, dear friends, is what it's like to have a period.

Last night I hung out with a friend and we watched movies and I met someone she's been friends with for ages. It was a lot of fun, even though we ate guacamole that was so hot it made me tear up. Whole Foods really ought to mark their packaging better!! We watched a movie called Kindergarten Cop and it was not my favorite but it had Arnold Schwarzenegger in it, and I think he's a pretty good actor.

Yesterday I took a quiz in Latin class and it was easy peasy lemon squeezy. I love Latin SO FRIGGIN MUCH. And I love Spanish SO FRIGGIN MUCH. And I love Esperanto SO FRIGGIN MUCH. In a perfect world I could study language all day and never have to take a math class, ever. In precalc we took a quiz yesterday and I feel like I did pretty well on it but that's usually a sure sign that I failed it. Updates to come.

I haven't done a Bottom/Top 40 in like 3000 years so I think I'm gonna do one right now. But just a Top 40. I've been feeling really positive lately and I like feeling this way. It's such a nice change from the crippling depression not gonna lie.

August 2013 Top 40

1. Oreos

2. Having a job

3. Ouran High School Host Club

4. Neon Genesis Evangelion (this could go on a Bottom 40 too, heh)

5. Daisy Mae

6. Gatorade

7. My grandparents 

8. Subjunctive verb conjugations 

9. Finding Nemo

10. Making new friends

11. Running outside

12. Playing volleyball

13. Braiding my friends' hair. 

14. Ablative Case (Latin)

15. Emily

16. Kelly

17. Peter

18. Seals

19. Birds of Paradise

20. Achieving goals

21. Buying new shoes with my paycheck

22. The Arctic Monkeys

23. The Fratellis 

24. This Town Needs Guns

25. 8tracks

26. The Death Note manga

27. Julia Nunes

28. Liking only one song from a band

29. Liking all songs from a band

30. Reminiscing and listening to Gorillaz

31. Journaling

32. Superfast Jellyfish from Plastic Beach

33. After Dark by Haruki Murakami 

34. "Zeus Couldn't Keep It in His Pants"

35. Conozco 

36. Malcolm in the Middle

37. m e m o r i e s

38.Writing in cursive

39. Learning about bad ass women in history

40. Idk I'm just having fun aight

small things make a big difference

i haven't cried in awhile but i did last night over a boy just look at that.

not even sad tears. and i suppose it wasn't over him. i was mostly just mad at myself for rushing things and not letting things happen organically. For some reason i want to be in control of everything and so i try to force people i like to like me back and it never fucking works how have i not learned that already.

in less dramatic news i have creative writing today. i really like that class. i haven't been writing more per se, but i'm trying new things with my writing so i guess that's a plus. mondays are reading days so i have to bring a book to ~inspire~ me for next class when we write. I chose a book by Sandra Cisneros (not the house on mango street) i'll look up its title later when it's not buried in my book bag.

last night on facebook people i'm "friends" with were using homosexual slurs like it was nobody's business and so I said something about it and only one person took me seriously. it's kind of sad and discouraging to see stuff like that but w/e. i think i've reconnected with an old friend because of it though. he has apparently tried talking to those people about why using those words is not okay. he's pretty chill.

more updates to come, i suppose.

edit: i've had a panic at the disco song stuck in my head all weekend. this is troubling because i don't even really like patd. 

finally ready to feel again

i have a crush on a boy and i shaved my legs for the next time i see him.

dear god let's see what happens. 

something

i squirted glue on my hands just
so i could peel it off when it dried.
and i also spit on my cuts because
my grandpa did that during the war,
and i love him.

spur of the moment

things i am made of

glue
calloused hands
broken blisters
dirt.
anger
and sadness
and cinnamon.
acrylic paint
empty promises
peaches

and a gallon of whole milk