Sitting in literature. Stopped paying attention ten minutes ago. Eighty minute mods are interesting.

I stayed up until midnight last night talking to someone on facebook. Having crushes is weird and my feelings are lessening but I'm okay with that. I used to think that having a significant other would make my life magically better, and guess what folks, that is so far from the truth. Right now I feel like no matter what happens between us I will still be happy with our friendship.

The nice thing about mondays is my school day schedule is pretty fast paced and I get out early now because I have a pass to leave the building and a free period as my last class. So my day's over at 2:30 then I go home and I never work monday nights so I get to relax. It's really nice not having to do anything at all.

I've recently discovered I love Lana Del Rey. Not in a "god you're so hot let's frick" way. I just want to be best friends with her. She's such a bad ass I love her so much. Especially her song "Without You". That was my favorite song sophomore year but I actually had no idea Lana sang it. Funny, right?

 When I get home today I'll probably watch a lot of Bob's Burgers on Netflix. I love that show so fucking much. Not to mention the voice actors are amazing. Somedays I just watch interviews with the voice actors on youtube because they're so hilarious. 

Life is Buena

Life is just so much fun now that I had that giant fucking epiphany over the summer .

Going to go to work at 5 with my homies. Makin money is so great I love being more autonomous.


Once I realized feeling sorry about myself and letting the bad parts of my life get me down was useless, things have gotten so much better. I have friends who are actual friends and my soul feels lighter than a candy wrapper caught in an updraft. Not to mention I've been quoting The Simpsons more lately, too~~

:) :) :) :)

I'm pleased to see that someone actually chose the "fuck off" option from my poll. I was waiting to see how long it would be until someone did, haha.

lol i'll just make this a real post later

curious

Story time! I was hanging out with two friends yesterday and one kept calling the other a "busta". I was really confused because neither my friend nor I knew what it meant. When I asked for clarification my other friend merely replied it was from a movie and had no idea what it meant either. After much arguing he looked it up and said it's from the movie The Fast and the Furious and that's where he heard it from. I was saying something about how weird it was we looked it up when my other friend proceeds to start laughing to himself and just says, "hehehe, the fast and the CURIOUS" and bursts out laughing at his own joke. it was so hilarious and maybe you had to be there but oh my god it was so endearing I smile whenever I think about it.

here are some random quips i wrote while deciding what to post about.

• I'm really bad at being heterosexual but gosh darnit I've been trying my best and no matter what happens I think i'll be okay. 
• work has been great i love having a job and making money, it's so fucking rewarding. 
• fuck what all the haters say can't see em cause the pussy in the way real bitches wassup.

edit: i wanted to make a pie chart but i couldn't think of what to put so here we are

Popping, Locking, and Dropping a Poem in Here...

Today we had free-writing time in my Creative Writing class. I had a really hard time focusing because I was hungry and I forced this out with every fiber of my being. It was like rubbing my head against bricks. The more I read it though, the more I start to like it. No title yet, and if I ever decide to publish it I will probs take it down from here. Enjoy it while you can lol

EDIT: BLOGGER IS A BEING A DICK AND WON'T FORMAT MY POEM CORRECTLY WITH THE PROPER SPACING I SWEAR IT LOOKS BETTER THAN THIS IS MY WORD DOC >:(

-

cut me apart from the rest of my being,

i’m fine. i was tethered to those egos but

now i’m whole and myself and there are a few

rough edges but those are to be expected

and can be trimmed down with some scissors 

if god concentrates hard enough. 

walking out of the woodwork i met you,

with the same sort of body and rips and

shreds and we have some garden shears in 

the garage just in case we make a mistake but

neither of us are fully wrinkled yet, so please hold on. 

when i was pulled from the womb 

i was sharp and reflected the light

off in red waves in different ways and 

i was smooth as bone marrow kept in 

a glass case for recognition by paying patrons. 

the creases came later into my 

soiled silver skin.

friends and love

and the feeling of her hands rough

against mine proved time and time 

again that she was hurting me and leaving

dents and i finally realized that months ago

and i don’t think i went too slow. 

my brain works it’s own pace. 

and then i met you. we share similar bruises

and i want you to know my shreds and my 

busted up legs and the crinkle in my back,

but persuasion isn’t my forte and you’re 

still trying to iron out your latest indentions

and i haven’t tried to help because i know

that’s neither what you want nor need. 

we’re all just little children 

with tin foil hearts and silver minds

and soapy mouths and we get bitten into

and chewed up and spit out like gristle and

i was never okay with that but now i know 

you and if we keep playing rock paper scissors 

in the dark perhaps we can postpone getting

ripped apart.  

party blog background for my three year anniversary.

though today our country has more important things to remember. maybe i'll be happier tomorrow. it feels disrespectful to celebrate today.

Goals

Now that I'm getting a paycheck every two weeks and have a little extra money to spend, I've decided that what doesn't go into my savings will be put towards buying a nice camera. Not necessarily one for taking photos, though I do love doing that. I want a nice camera for vlogging. Right now the family camera I use is very good, but it's not specifically what I want. And if I want my own that no one else is allowed to use, I have to pay for it with my own money. Which I don't even mind doing. I love buying things with the money I earn. It makes it feel more worth it.

I'm going to start pricing cameras. Wish me luck! x

What I'm listening to today:

Three Years

This upcoming wednesday will be the three year anniversary of creating this blog. I remember the night I made this, sitting in the bowl chair in my room. When I was a freshman I often worried I would abandon blogging along the way towards graduation. I never thought I would be a junior who still cared about posting on Infinitely Pi. It makes me curious to see how many more years I will be writing on here...

Ba Dum Tiss

**9/3/13: I drafted this in May of 2012. I was on my period and wore khaki shorts and I swear to all that is holy I thought it was the end of the world**


Yesterday I realized something very important about myself while I was at school. If you'll recall, I have challenged myself on multiple occasions, some of which I am not too proud of. The most recent one I realized is that I like to put myself on the brink of emotional distress. In other words, I decided to wear khaki short shorts

Life's Bloggable Moments

**9/3/13: Today I've been going through my drafts folder and I'm just gonna publish all the old shit I never finished before. I think I wrote this piece sometime in November 2012**

Did I ever tell you guys about the disaster that was Outdoor Education? Basically, I needed community service hours because I want to graduate high school, and there was an education program that needed free labor. It was a match made in hell. On October 3 and 4 of this year, I spent two days in the wilderness.

Okay, perhaps "the wilderness" is an overstatement, considering the fact we had heated cabins and running water and were half an hour outside town, but still. I was working as a camp counselor at Outdoor Ed. I don't know if all schools do this, but in my district they send all the 6th graders out to a state park for two days to learn about wildlife. And since the teachers don't want to have to sleep in the cabins with the 6th graders, they get a bunch of high schoolers to do it. I was assigned a group of 5 girls, and they were all sweet, but they hated my guts. I don't know what I did to make them hate me, but by the end of the two days those girls wanted nothing to do with me. They absolutely adored my friend Kenneth though. Go figure.

It was absolutely terrible having to spend two days with a bunch of preteens. They were all loud, and a few were particularly obnoxious. And since I was a counselor, I didn't get to participate in any of the fun activities like horse back riding. Of course I got to participate in team building, though. And don't forget the stress management class they had! I think the only fun I had was during canoeing. Even though the lake was disgusting, I had a great time out on the water. I got to go out twice on the water, and luckily I was with girls who were pretty good canoers, so we didn't tip over. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if we did tip over.

There is actually quite a bit more I could say about Outdoor Ed, but I think I'll spare you all the minute details. They probably wouldn't be of any interest to y'all anyhow. I will say one thing though, if you ever want to an Outdoor Ed counselor, make sure you know what you're geting into before you volunteer.

do you have any regrets?

I found this little poem in my drafts folder this morning. I wrote is so long ago. I still like it, though.

remember what i meant to you?
back in the days of microwaving
all our food.

i don't mourn who you are
i mourn who you used to be.

hmmmm tuesday

My eyes are burning right now, but it's not from the peppers my mom roasted yesterday. I think it's my allergies. Daisy slept in my bed with me last night and now my right eye is all watery and gross. And I didn't get as much sleep as I should of last night so I'm sure that's a contributing factor too. My mouth tastes like the blueberry muffin I ate for breakfast, so there is at least some good news. I want to cry but it's not because of sadness like usual. I want to be with someone and laugh so hard that I can barely breathe and that tears start forming naturally. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to experience that today, though I doubt it will happen.

I look a little bit like a tool today. My outfit is really stupid and I know if I were a freshman I would think I looked like hot stuff right now. But 9th grade me was way more depressed and came to school in her pajamas and with uncombed hair every single day. Oh, how my standards have changed.

I'm curious how much more time I can kill right now before school. It's so boring and I have a bagel I could eat but I don't really want to. The cream cheese I bought is still too cold, anyhow.

I have an idea for something else I want to write. I think I'll work on that now. 

to do list for labor day

I think I'm going to go on a jog today. The weather is beautiful and I want to get lost in the air and fill my clogged lungs with something sweet. I want to feel hollow in the best of ways. Not hollow carved out by sadness, but the kind of hollow that invites in positive emotions and creates a permeable membrane between me and all the positive things in my life. The windows are open and the sunlight is hitting the trees just right and the breeze is moving softly and I want to be a part of it rather than a bystander from behind my window. The house smells like the peppers my mom roasted before I got out of bed and I'm going to eat them today with my lunch and it will make my nose and throat burn and my eyes will water and it will feel good and make me feel happy and I'm not sure why I know this but I do.

Daisy is with me and she looks so beautiful I wish I had a camera with me. She's in front of the open windows, sitting on the arm of the couch. The open windows are opening everyone up and positive energy is flowing through my house and I and I fucking love this feeling I want it to stay like this forever. I want to eat peaches and kiss and share a pomegranate with someone and our hands will be stained pink but we'll hold hands anyway.

I love fruit and boys and girls and life is beautiful okay,