It Is Almost May

The last time I checked, I do NOT live in the Southern hemisphere. I am considering consulting a globe and checking up on where Nebraska is located, because it is literally getting COLDER as the month of April wears on. The first week of the month brought sunny days and pleasurable, if a bit windy, weather. Since then things have been spiraling downwards into a deep, dank hole of regret and depression. And I am not just talking about my mood here, people. It actually snowed last week. SNOWED! CAPS LOCK! SCARY AND UNPREDICTABLE!

Due to the poor and rather unseasonable weather, I have had a lot of time to sit inside and reflect upon life. A couple days back I went into my old 8th grade self's existential crisis "OH MY GOD WE ARE KILLING THE EARTH" mode, but I have been able to snap myself out of it relatively easily.

On a slightly more positive note, it is May next week, which means a few different things... One, we get to celebrate the always fabulous and always adorable Josalyn's birthday. Also, the weather will get warmer in theory. And finally, school will be winding down. I've already checked out for this year though. I can tell because I'm doing all of my math homework on leftover graph paper from two units ago using pen. Let's see how long it takes until my math teacher gets mad at me.

Have a lovely day! :)

Back to School, Unfortunately

After a somewhat relaxing one week off of school, I am back to the usual. The "usual" being sitting in a brick building for 8 hours a day trying not to fall asleep or cry. Such is the life of an average high school student.

My mom gave me a ride to school this morning, and we listened to some CD of hers, and she was explaining to me her favorite songs and it was all quite nice and relaxing. Trouble didn't strike until she pulled her car in front of the school. I carry a three-ring binder around school filled with all of my notebooks, papers, and folders. I only keep my computer and textbooks in my back pack. As I tried getting out of the car, I didn't quite have a tight hold on my binder, and it slipped out of my grip and flew apart on the asphalt. I hastily scrambled to gather all of my possessions  then I booked it into the school with as much grace as I could muster.

What a way to start off school again, huh? 

Haha I'm so Pathetic

Every time I've felt sad the past three days I just open a new tab in Google Chrome and play this gif until I start to feel better:

I am kind of fed up with life in general at this point. I'm so glad that I'm on Spring Break. Maybe being completely isolated is just what the doctor ordered... 

I haven't just written about my life in awhile, so I guess that's what I'll be doing right now.

All in all, things have been really hectic, but not in a good way. If you're subscribed to my youtube channel you're probably aware of all the ridiculous things I've been doing, but you might not know that I've also been under a lot of stress lately. I have many projects due within the next two weeks, and right now I'm sort of at a breaking point. It's so bad that I was reading a book last week and I started crying because one little aspect of the novel pushed me over the edge. I couldn't stop crying for over two hours as I realized all that was going wrong in my life.

I tend to dwell on the negatives in life. For instance, all I've had on my mind the past few weeks is how I'm a complete failure of a person and I'm going to do poorly in all my subjects at school and how I'm never going to amount to anything that'll actually be important. I'm falling into a phase again where I only listen to the same music, want to be away from people, and stay inside all day. I like having friends, and I love my friends dearly, but a lot of the time I just want to be by myself in the quiet.

The only time I'm ever really alone is at night, but I'm usually so exhausted that I can't even enjoy the peace and quiet. And my insomnia is starting to come back, and I am not looking forward to more late nights where I never fall asleep. My insomnia comes in phases, usually when I'm most depressed. It's been on and off since fourth grade, really.

Another thing I can't stop thinking of is the future. I cannot help but think that the way humans are living right now is going to kill the earth. I don't even know that much about environmental science, but I just have this gut feeling that we're going to eventually mess shit up so badly that we won't be able to recover.

Also I've been trying to do a lot of writing lately, but it just turns out rotten. I used to be able to write with such ease, and now it's more of a pain than anything. Just look at how my blog has gone down the toilet since summer vacation! I used to update every single day before summer, but now I can't muster the energy to sit down and actually write something substantial. This right here isn't even real writing, is it? I'm just ranting and getting upset over trivial matters. I feel like I should be able to solve all of my problems by myself, but I know that I can't.

Sometimes I just hate myself so much.

Honestly the only thing that's keeping me from having a panic attack right now is me telling myself that everything is A-OKAY and looking at this picture:

I found this on tumblr a really long time ago and I don't know why it's funny BUT IT IS. If you don't read Homestuck it might not make any sense, sorry...

ps i haven't spell checked this yet but i'm posting it anyway.

Well Dang

It's just about midnight, and I'm still awake. I want to sleep, but I just can't. At least this week is only going to be three days long because of Thanksgiving. That'll give me something to look forward to tomorrow when I'm trying not to fall asleep in class.

I revamped my blog yet again tonight, do you like it? I'm pretty fond of the overall look, but I'm still trying to figure out how I can make it so the options for my poll are visible. That has alluded me thus far. Fingers crossed I'll be able to figure it out.

In other news I recently finished watching "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" season 1 on Netflix. The show is better than I thought it would be, but I do have a few issues with it. For starters, it really bothers me how all the kids are running around saying "I love you" willy-nilly. It's almost like they don't know what that word means. Perhaps it's just my personal opinion coming into play, but I think they use it a little bit too frivolously. Issue number 2 is that the main character's boyfriend, Ben, needs to BACK UP. Ben isn't even the father of the baby, yet he gets mad when Amy (his pregnant girlfriend), says that she is going to get an abortion. After all of her friends talk her out of that, she decides to give it up for adoption, which makes everyone flip out yet again. This upsets me because it is Amy's baby, her body, and her decision what happens to her child. Spoiler alert for any of you who haven't seen the series, but Amy keeps the baby. And she lets her younger sister name him. He ends up with the name John, which leads me to the 3rd issue: I WAITED 23 EPISODES AND THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH IS JOHN?!?! I got a little bit mad when I found out the baby's name, but whatever. I'm debating whether or not it'll be worth it to watch the other 4 seasons of the show...

Goodnight, blog readers, I hope you get more sleep than I do ;)

xxx

When I say hillshire you say farms.

Today has been really terrible, and it's only 8:30 in the am. I forgot my wallet at home, so I can't buy myself any food. The only good thing that's happened thus far is that I got my mom to write me a note to get me out of swimming class. That's why I'm writing this post right now, instead of taking a dip in the freezing water of my school's pool.

Also on my list of icky things that have happened thus far today, the last 30 seconds of homeroom were extremely distressing. How can 30 seconds be distressing, you ask? Well, right after the bell rang I stood up and I noticed my fly was down. Rather than waiting until I was in the crowded hallway to fix my zipper and have no one notice, I decided to do it right that moment, and I'm fairly sure that my homeroom teacher and two other students saw. I guess on the list of embarrassing things that could have happened, this wasn't so bad. Even so, I'm still reeling from that crippling sort of embarrassment that attacks during situations like this.

How about you? How has your morning been so far?

P.S.- Matt IDK when you're going to read this, but I didn't get a chance to say that I think your haircut looks great! :D 

Hannah Gets Mildly Existential

I think I should go to bed right now, but I have a headache and don't feel like laying down. I figured blogging might help relax me and get me off to bed!

Anyway, tonight I was riding in the car with my dad, and we were blasting the oldies. What I've noticed, which holds true for most oldies stations, is that only music from the 60's,70's, and 80's are played. I can't help but wonder if those decades will be forever defined as "the oldies", or if eventually music from the 90's will be added into the mix as well. Who is the person that draws the line that says "This is oldies" and "This is not"? For example, why isn't music from the 1920's up through the 50's not played on the oldies station? Those songs certainly are old, aren't they? Does that mean that the 90's will be excluded from the oldies club just like music from the 50's?

Obviously, there aren't going to be exactly clear cut lines. Just the other day I was listening to my city's "modern hits" station, and they started playing "Smells Like Teen Spirit". Last I checked, the year 1991 wasn't exactly modern. At least when you compare it to music of today, anyhow. It confuses me to think that the same station will play "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and then follow up with "Call Me Maybe". How will our musical generation be defined? Will it be from the 90's up through the 2020's? Only time will tell.

That was my drabble for this evening. Feel free to try and answer my rhetorical questions in the comment section below ;P

La da dee.

There's close to 15 minutes left in the school day, and my throat feels like a little animal is scurrying all around inside of it, it's so itchy! All day it's been itching on and off, despite the fact that I took my allergy medicine this morning. I decided to blog to try and take my mind off the discomfort I'm in right now. I tried reading a book, but I couldn't concentrate. Luckily, I don't have much homework this weekend, so I can relax some.

In other news, Homecoming is tomorrow. Am I going? No. Do I wish I were? Well, sort of.

A lot of my friends are attending this year, and as much as I would love to go, I just do not have the money to buy a dress. I was going to ask my mom to take me dress shopping on Wednesday night, but my dog ended up having a medical emergency and we had to spend the evening at the veterinarian office (more about that escapade will come in a later post...). Basically, I don't have anything to wear, and my parents still don't know the dance is tomorrow. I think I might go to the football game tonight, just for shits and giggles.

I know that Lizzie is going, and my friend Anna, who recently moved away, will be stopping in tonight at the game. I really want to see her, so that is another thing spurring me towards going to the game.

STOP THE PRESSES.

Okay so I'm currently sitting in the school library and on the sides of the bookshelves are magazine racks and I glanced over at an issue of Mad and I looked at the title and I thought it said "ERECTION FROM HELL". After freaking out a little bit, I checked again, and as it would turn out it actually says "Election from Hell." Well, this certainly has been a long week, hasn't it?

BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED POST.

I really want to go hang out with my friends tonight, which is unusual considering these past two weeks or so I've just wanted to be alone. I'm not sure why that is, but I'm hoping it'll pass soon, because being sad and alone isn't necessarily fun, even though when I try to hang out with friends I just get anxious. Go figure, huh?

Welp, it's six minutes until the final bell rings, so I suppose I should call this a wrap. Guess what? My throat doesn't itch anymore ;)