Adios Amigos

There are two reasons I titled this post "Adios Amigos".

Reason One being that it is the name the Ramone's Album that has the best cover art:

Reason Two being that today is my last day of school!!!!!!! AHHH!!! CRAZY!! GOLLY GEE!!! EXCITEMENT!!!!! 

I'm SO GLAD this semester is over. This semester was incredibly rough for me, so it finally drawing to a close is as sweet as sugar. I just have to go take my last three finals today then I am DONE WITH THAT CESSPOOL FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS! The absolute best thing about this summer is that I get to spend time with some quality friends, and I can spend all day doing whatever the heck I want. Well, within reason, of course. I plan on reading A TON. The next book on my to-read list is "My Ántonia" by Willa Cather. I've had this book forever and I really want to read it! 

Going off on a tangent here, but Willa Cather is pretty much the only women from Nebraska who ever receives credit. While I think home girl definitely deserves it, there's another kick-ass babe from Nebraska named Mari Sandoz who I think more people should appreciate. (whether or not you educate yourself on her is your choice, so here's her wikipedia article)

Getting back on track: I'm practically bursting with excitement right now. I don't have to leave for school for another hour and a half but I can't fall back asleep because my brain keeps going "schoolsoveromgfuckyeahlaterbitches". And so forth. My leg can't stop shaking!

Last year in my post that announced the end of the school year, I made a goal. I figured I might as well do that this year, too. My goal is to write poetry at least once a week this summer. It doesn't have to be good, or anything I'd want to share, but I have to write it down on paper.

That's my goal, what's yours?

PS- My friend Josh has super good taste in fanfiction!! I don't care whether or not you read Homestuck, READ THIS ONE ANYWAY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/387254/chapters/634543
Seriously, it was so good I read all 30 chapters of it yesterday.

:) 

Algebraic! from lordmcconnell on 8tracks Radio.

I found out about this genre of music called "Math Rock". I've listened to a few mixes on 

8tracks, and so far I've liked what I've heard! Here's a pretty good one...

Hair

I recently finished a photography project I've named "Hair". It's in Keynote format on my computer, but I'm uploading the individual slides on here. To see it how I intend it go look, click on the first image to enlarge it then use your arrow keys to move through slides. These are all photos I took of myself at one point or another...

--

Tell me what you think :)

Times Like These

I totally didn't steal this post title from a Jack Johnson song.

It's currently 2:01 AM and I'm not exactly sure what's going on. The last few days I've felt off. My derealization has been coming back pretty badly, and I feel like I'm living in a fish tank. It's the aspect of my anxiety that terrifies me the most. I feel like I don't exist. There is air between my skin and my muscles, and the area behind my ears no longer exists. My vision has trouble focusing and I can't feel where I am. It's like being in a room surrounded by people, but looking down on the scene from above.

My brother had his graduation ceremony last night. It was at a huge arena, and the amount of noise and people caused me to have a mild panic attack. My panic only got worse as the night went on, and at the restaurant afterwards it got to a bad level. I could barely eat, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The air was filling into the area under my skin.

When we got home I went to bed, but I felt so uncomfortable I had trouble falling asleep. I felt so weightless and dead that I was lying on my hands and arms trying to feel some sort of pain. I eventually fell asleep, but I woke up around 1:30, so I think I got only made two hours of sleep. I read for a bit, then I had to go to the bathroom and I got a nose bleed. Nothing serious, but it was annoying. I just went out to the kitchen to grab a snack and take some anti-anxiety medicine. One is supposed to calm me down and the other to make me fall asleep. I'm doubting whether or not they'll be fully effective. I'm kind of really scared to go to school in a few hours. I hate feeling like I'm floating through the day.

On at least one high note, this past week it's been National God Tier John Appreciation Week. Josi and I have both been participating. You should wear blue to help celebrate.

ps i didn't edit this because i can't bring myself to read what i wrote so later y'all.

Amber's Party

Amber had a going-away party yesterday. To say the least, Amber throws some kick-ass parties. If you don't believe me, go read my post about her birthday bash of 2012 then we'll talk. I brought my camera to her party yesterday and caught a lot of fun moments. In no particular order, here are the best photos I got... (click the pics to enlarge them)

Dawn is ready to play Badminton. 

On the ground in defeat.

"How does Badminton work?"

Cutie

<3 Amber

ANNA!

Me and the bestie.

Amber holding her grandma's dog. 

Amber... taking photos?

Anna has a great smile.

Matt is so hot we're gon get married. 

All the attendees. 

Posing by the fancy pants lamp. 

JOSALYN. 

Josi you're so cuuutttee. 

BOW TO HER MIGHT. 

Josi is so done with your bull shit. 

Jos lost a game...

Action shot!

John brought his computer to DJ.

I told Josh I wanted a cameo photo so he made this face.

Josh standing seductively by a shed. 

A birdie got stuck on the roof. 

John poses while eating a hot dog. 

The Dream Team. 

Matt shows his confusion. 

MMM SO SEXAY. 

Matt tried on my headband.

love you <3

I just really love this picture, okay? 

Question Time!

When I saw this Questionnaire on Bryarly Bishop's blog, I couldn't help but do it myself. I feel like it's a good way to fill the void that has been made by my lack of top/bottom 40 posts. You know, I've heard that copying is the greatest form of flattery, so hopefully no one gets mad at me for doing this Questionnaire as well ;) 

1. Sexual Orientation
Pretty much gay. I'm having a lot of trouble accepting myself, though. So usually I'll just tell people I'm bisexual.

2. What I'm really bad at.
Telling whether or not the dishwasher is clean or dirty.

3. My Best First Date
I really can't decide.

4. A description of my self-esteem.
Not the best.

5. My favorite book.
Homeless Bird by Gloria Whelan. 

6. What I did yesterday. 
I went to school, and to my friend Amber's party (pictures to come soon!)

7. Biggest turn-offs.
Lack of personal hygiene, loudness, being obnoxious, not being able to listen. 

8. My favorite animal.
Parrots.

9. My favorite songs right now.
Sleeping In by The Postal Service

10. How my last kiss went down.
It was so awful. 

11. What I find attractive in the preferred sex.
Painted nails, easy-going personality, self-confidence, and someone who doesn't mind trying something new.

12. All of the pets I've ever had.
Sandy I (fish), Sandy II, (fish), Sandy III (fish), Glitter (fish-she lived for two years!), Molly (beagle), Izzy (dachshund), Daisy (beagle). I also had a betta fish at one point but it tried to eat glitter so we had to flush her down the toilet. 

13. Favorite flavor of ice cream.
Chocolate Caramel Commotion. 

14. The one place I want to be right now.
The big slides in downtown.

15. Where I have lived before.
Nebraska. 

16. Most embarrassing moment.
The one time I tried to ask out a boy I wrote him a haiku, and I can't remember the words exactly, but it was something about how his ass is outta this world and he should take me to Taco Bell. 

17. Two of my insecurities.
My hands/feet. I have very poor circulation so they're always either red or purple and people think I'm sick or that something is "wrong" with me.

18. What I would do if I won the lottery.
I would donate a lot of it to help girls in 3rd world countries, but I would also spend some helping out my family members who are having rough times right now. The rest I would probably blow on Etsy. 

19. What I love most about myself.
My bright red hair. 

20. What bands I've seen live.
Tenth Avenue North.

21. How many kids I want in the future.
Either zero or 4. No in between.

22. My idea of a perfect date.
Walking around one of the farmer's markets in town, stopping at a nice place for lunch, and then returning home for karaoke and Mario Kart. 

23. Where I would like to live.
Spain. 

24. My biggest worry currently.
How I am going to make it through the summer. 

25. What my last text message says.
"Uhiuiwwt" To add context, my dad was my ride home last night and when he arrived he just sent me a random string of letters to alert me of his presence. 

Strange Times

Yesterday was the seniors' last day. Even though this has happened every year for more than 50 years at Westside, it's strange this year. Maybe it's because my older brother is graduating. Maybe it's because my favorite cousin is graduating. Maybe it's because one of my closest friends is graduating. I can't exactly pin point why I'm feeling so melancholy this year (when I should really be partying hard), but there has to be something behind it.

Whenever I think of my brother and cousin Katie as being college students, I can't really comprehend it. Even though they are both two years older than me, we have always been clumped in the same group as "younger kids" in the family since we were the last three grandkids born. To think that they're moving on to something so adult, I can't even begin to think it's real. All of my other cousins have graduated and made the trip to college, but they always seemed like adults to me. When you're a 7 year old, your 18 year old cousin seems like the most wise and adult person in the world.

 I've begun to notice the past few years is that there is no distinction between children and adults. I've met adults who act like children, and children who have enough sadness in them to last a lifetime. I can't feel like my brother and cousin are adults now because in my mind we're all still kids. We may as well just be our 7 & 9 year old selves, playing baseball in my grandparent's backyard.

Life is just so weird sometimes. 

A Kind-Of Haiku Wednesday

Today it is time for the rather unorthodox and lesser known "it's going to be wednesday at some point this week" Haiku Wednesday. Basically I forgot to take my anti-anxiety pills tonight and they usually make me drowsy so I am pumped and ready for action at the moment. Anyway, it's haiku time.

Oh, little green vine-

you start so small and grow so 

tall, proud; I love you.

Mmm, how little sense does this one make? Whoever has the most honest answer wins something. 

ALSO check out how weird I look in this picture I took of myself awhile back. I can't decide if it's painfully artsy or just plain bad (there is, by definition, a very thin line separating those two things).

oh lordie

Also? Josalyn? Sent? Me? This? JohnDave? Fanart?

Josi's file name for it is "OMGSOBAD" 

G'nite y'all

Sunburnt, Sunburnt Everywhere

Ah, the joys of living.

Yesterday was a pretty crazy day for me. I got up around 8 am and had to finish my United Nations portfolio for Ecuador. This portfolio is the conglomerate of five weeks of wasted class time. It's about three trees' worth of paper, it's so heavy! Not to mention I had to include a "children's book", and I didn't have any materials but my precious scrap booking paper for that. My partner on the project sent me all of his work, and then I had to print it out and compile it all myself. Therefore I am the only one to be blamed for how ridiculous it looks. I'll post pictures of things once I get the project back (pinky promise!)

After the portfolio was done, my mother and I went to Pier 1 Imports and I got a Panda Coffee Mug. Yes, you read that correctly. PANDA. COFFEE. MUG. I can't wait to post pictures of it's adorable glory.

Then, Daisy the Three Legged Wonder got sick. Well, not sick sick, but the poor thing was not in a good state. Luckily for us (and for her) she didn't puke or have any bowel movements inside the house. Her only front paw was giving her some trouble though. Since she has to place all of her weight on it when she jumps off of the couch, she sprained it. She looked just miserable, and she could barely walk. We had to take her to the vet. This caused quite a predicament, because my family was about to visit my grandma for Mother's Day. At this point it was almost noon, and nobody was making any decisions. I figured that mom and Josh would be the best to take Daisy to the vet because I don't do well at vet offices (I get so emotional). So it was decided that I would drive out to visit with my grandparents while Daisy went to the vet with mom and Josh.

The drive out was rather boring, considering my grandparent's retirement home is out so far west. For those who don't live in the Omaha area, west=suburbs. I think I was on the highway for half an hour. Once I got there I gave my grandma her gift and sat and chatted with her and my grandpa. My grandpa told me that there was a singer in the dining hall, who was singing "his kind of music". My grandfather, who is darn proud of his Italian heritage, loves when anyone sings Sinatra, Nat King Cole, or anyone from that time period. And guess what that man was singing? Yep, you guessed right. So my grandpa made me take him back down so he could listen. I asked him where he wanted to sit, and he said right in front of the performer. My grandpa started dancing to the music in his wheelchair. We stayed down there for about half an hour before I took him back up to his room and said goodbye.After leaving the retirement home I had to run by my aunt's place and give her the mother's day present I got her. We ended up talking for about an hour, and then I ran on home.

This was post was supposed to be about the awful sunburn I got yesterday, but i'll just make a separate post about that because this one is so long already ;3

Girl Rising

Last night my mom and I saw an amazing documentary called Girl Rising. It was probably the most inspiring film I have ever watched. The stories told are of real girls living in 3rd world countries, and how they overcame the barriers that were stopping them from getting an education. I have just. so. much. I could say about it, but I don't want to ruin it for anyone!! SO GO WATCH IT!! Check out the website (http://girlrising.com/), and find out if it is being shown anywhere near you. I cried happy tears about 5 times throughout the whole thing, it was so amazing. JUST WOW. 

It's That Time of Year Again...

Click to Enlarge

Around this time last year I made this graph and posted it on my blog. And sure enough, this graph has proven to be accurate once again. I've started to do all of my math work in pen, and on the backsides of worksheets, and turning in assignments with only half-assed attempts at solving the problem. As a a matter of fact, earlier this week I turned in some quiz corrections to my teacher that I did on the back of my friend's World History worksheet. Mr.Long didn't say a thing about it, and something is telling me that this graph applies to him to. I think that's one of the reasons why I like him so much. Not only does he not care for Geometry, he's hilarious too. I once was the only one who laughed at one of his jokes and he like called me out on it, and it was actually just really ridiculous.

The only downside to my end of the year math routine is that I am probably going to fail my quiz today. 

I think it's sort of funny how if you start at the very beginning of my blog and read up until now you can see how I've changed with the ways in which I deal with my anxiety and depression. Or should I just call it my descent into madness. Who knows?