pix + misc thoughts

while i was at work today my dog did cute activities in my bed that my mom caught on camera:

Daisy thinks she's a people!!!!! 

Misc thoughts:

I think that since this is my senior year of high school, this may be the last year that I post on this blog. I don't know, maybe it just will feel complete to me that way. I sorta want to make a word press blog or something while I'm in college and beyond, but we'll see where I go down this road. When I made this blog freshman year, I really didn't expect it to last. Yet, here I am four years later, still posting. 

Well, It Seems I'm Back!

/break in hiatus

Sorry, I won't be here for long, but I have a few things that I want to discuss with y'all before I continue on with my hiatus.

Order of Business #1: Unfortunately, I still haven't been feeling inspired to write. I've written some poetry, but it is pretty personal and I highly doubt that any of you would be interested in reading it. Some of it treads into teen-angst territory, and I know we all don't want to go there.

Order of Business #2: My youtube channel is pretty successful! I currently have 33 subscribers, which is more than I ever dreamed of having. I've made some really nice friends (see Order of Business #3), and I love responding to comments on my videos. If I haven't self-promoted enough already, here is a link to my channel.

Order of Business #3: The only reason I am writing this is because one of my youtube amigos has kicked my butt into gear. She's also a new member of my blog! Let's all give a warm welcome to Farran Arabella! Besides having a totally kick ass name, she is a total sweety pie, and she herself is participating in a book challenge this year! She's trying to read 50 books, and is documenting her experience on her wordpress blog. You should go check it out!

Order of Business #4: Did I mention I got a new dog? Unless you know me in real life or follow my vlogs, you may not have known this! We rescued her, and she is seven years old, and a beagle. Her name is Daisy. Also, she is missing one of her legs. But it doesn't slow her down one bit! She's quite strong actually, and can balance on her back legs quite well. If she had abs, they'd be made of steel. Yesterday my mom did an impromptu photoshoot of her, and this is the result:

Order of Business #5: I got my driver's license! I turned sixteen back in November, but I didn't get around to getting my driver's license until last week. I did my inaugural first drive by myself yesterday. I went to the grocery store and bought mini cupcakes. It was quite an experience. My mom felt it necessary to document the event with a photo. 

I was not excited to be photographed. 

Also, since Order of Business #5 is sort of a misc. OoB, lemme tell you all that I recently learned to play guitar! I'll probably post a video of that at some point, once I become less terrible at it ;) 

/starts hiatus back up again 

I'll Never Forget Her

This past saturday, September 15, my dog passed away. She was named Izzy, and I loved her very, very much. Sounds cliché, doesn't it? But for anyone who has ever owned a pet, they know that when someone says this about an animal, it's the truth. Izzy has and will always hold a special place in my heart. I don't know how a 13 pound miniature dachshund can break my heart, but I now know that it is very possible.

There was a quote that I am trying to recall right now, and I am not sure who said it exactly, but it sums up owning a dog quite nicely:

"No one can break your heart like a dog can."

Izzy did break my heart, but I know that it was her time to go. She was sick to the point that trying to keep her alive would have been unfair to her. She couldn't walk, eat, or control her bowels. It was weird seeing my previously lively and capable dog in such a state of decay. We chose to put her down, and on saturday morning at nine a.m., Izzy passed on. Since she was put into an IV that gave her the fatal medicine, I'm not sure exactly the moment she passed away. After I knew she was gone, I gave her one final hug and told her I loved her. My mom brother and I all took turns saying our last goodbye, and when I looked over at the nurse, even she was crying.

When they were going to take her body away, it was at that moment I knew I had to leave. My mom gave me her car keys and I ran out to the car and sat and cried. I held my head in my hands and relived my memories with my beloved Izzy.

She was approximately nine years old when she passed away. We adopted her three years ago from a family friend who was no longer able to adequately care for her. When she arrived at our house she was severely underweight and depressed. She was so skinny that we could see her rib cage. After a few months she gained weight, and was happy as could be. I knew that she loved her life with us, and she loved all of us individually. She spent many nights sleeping in my bed with me, sprawled out, with her butt in my face. Even though I expressed my agitation in those moments ("Izzy, move your butt already!!!"), I never got really upset with her.

I don't have many videos or pictures on hand of Izzy, but I do have a video of her on my blog that I took just a few months ago.  The funny thing is that when I took that video I had no idea that in just two months she would be gone. I knew that someday she would die, but it always seemed like something far off.

Izzy's death was so shocking because she didn't show any signs of illness until last Monday night. She started to throw up and go to the bathroom everywhere, and it was really hard to see her so vulnerable. Her stomach bloated up, and I could see the pain she was feeling expressed through her eyes. I'm certain it is something I will never forget. Her eyes were always immensely expressive, and even during our final moments with her when we said goodbye before they put her down, I could still see the spark in her eyes. She was saying how confused she was, but I could also see that she knew it was her time to pass on.

I didn't cry quite as much as I thought I would over the weekend. After we got home from the vet, I was sniffly and bleary-eyed for quite some time, but I managed to bounce back better than I thought. Even though I can feel Izzy's absence, I know she is not gone from my life. I will always have my memories of her, and while it doesn't feel like enough, it's better than nothing.

As I wrote this post, I listened to the song "Honeybee" by Steam Powered Giraffe, and since I'm already playing with clichés tonight, why not I add on another? Towards the end of the song, they repeat the same five or so lines over and over.

"Hello, goodbye, t'was nice to know you. How I find myself without you... that I'll never know. I let myself go. But what do I know? Now you have to go."

Listening to this made me think of Izzy, and loving a dog in general. No matter what happens after a dog's passing, I have not met a single person who regretted owning their pet. There is something about owning a dog that allows you to release your inhibitions, and love something without rhyme or reason. It remains a mystery why they touch our hearts in this way, and how we manage to carry on even though it was their time to pass on. These lyrics made me think of this, and I'm not sure why.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I love Izzy. I cherish every memory I have of her, and I know that she will always be regarded fondly in my household. I wish that she didn't have to go so soon, but I know that it was her time. Having Izzy as a companion was a rewarding experience, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the entire world.