I totally didn't steal this post title from a Jack Johnson song.
It's currently 2:01 AM and I'm not exactly sure what's going on. The last few days I've felt off. My derealization has been coming back pretty badly, and I feel like I'm living in a fish tank. It's the aspect of my anxiety that terrifies me the most. I feel like I don't exist. There is air between my skin and my muscles, and the area behind my ears no longer exists. My vision has trouble focusing and I can't feel where I am. It's like being in a room surrounded by people, but looking down on the scene from above.
My brother had his graduation ceremony last night. It was at a huge arena, and the amount of noise and people caused me to have a mild panic attack. My panic only got worse as the night went on, and at the restaurant afterwards it got to a bad level. I could barely eat, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The air was filling into the area under my skin.
When we got home I went to bed, but I felt so uncomfortable I had trouble falling asleep. I felt so weightless and dead that I was lying on my hands and arms trying to feel some sort of pain. I eventually fell asleep, but I woke up around 1:30, so I think I got only made two hours of sleep. I read for a bit, then I had to go to the bathroom and I got a nose bleed. Nothing serious, but it was annoying. I just went out to the kitchen to grab a snack and take some anti-anxiety medicine. One is supposed to calm me down and the other to make me fall asleep. I'm doubting whether or not they'll be fully effective. I'm kind of really scared to go to school in a few hours. I hate feeling like I'm floating through the day.
On at least one high note, this past week it's been National God Tier John Appreciation Week. Josi and I have both been participating. You should wear blue to help celebrate.
ps i didn't edit this because i can't bring myself to read what i wrote so later y'all.
It's currently 2:01 AM and I'm not exactly sure what's going on. The last few days I've felt off. My derealization has been coming back pretty badly, and I feel like I'm living in a fish tank. It's the aspect of my anxiety that terrifies me the most. I feel like I don't exist. There is air between my skin and my muscles, and the area behind my ears no longer exists. My vision has trouble focusing and I can't feel where I am. It's like being in a room surrounded by people, but looking down on the scene from above.
My brother had his graduation ceremony last night. It was at a huge arena, and the amount of noise and people caused me to have a mild panic attack. My panic only got worse as the night went on, and at the restaurant afterwards it got to a bad level. I could barely eat, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The air was filling into the area under my skin.
When we got home I went to bed, but I felt so uncomfortable I had trouble falling asleep. I felt so weightless and dead that I was lying on my hands and arms trying to feel some sort of pain. I eventually fell asleep, but I woke up around 1:30, so I think I got only made two hours of sleep. I read for a bit, then I had to go to the bathroom and I got a nose bleed. Nothing serious, but it was annoying. I just went out to the kitchen to grab a snack and take some anti-anxiety medicine. One is supposed to calm me down and the other to make me fall asleep. I'm doubting whether or not they'll be fully effective. I'm kind of really scared to go to school in a few hours. I hate feeling like I'm floating through the day.
On at least one high note, this past week it's been National God Tier John Appreciation Week. Josi and I have both been participating. You should wear blue to help celebrate.
ps i didn't edit this because i can't bring myself to read what i wrote so later y'all.
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