tonight

The past two days were really rough for me until things got way better tonight. The ACT is tomorrow and I've been stressing insanely about that, and Thursday I had so much work to do and I was so exhausted I couldn't concentrate on any of it so I got nothing accomplished for the most past last night. Not to mention that my crippling loneliness is coming back in full swing now that it's getting closer to winter and I'm remembering why I hate having seasonal depression so much. My depression is already such a struggle for me and it just gets so much worse during the winter time. All day long I was just irate. Completely over it, basically. I did work all day long at school and when I got home I had even more to do. I took a solid nap though and that really helped to get me back on the right track. I did a little bit of AP Lit homework, and then at 7 pm Mary picked me up and we went out for a Night of Debauchery.

We enjoyed a lot of time together outside, and then we stopped in at work really quick to check the schedule and after that we ended up driving around for an hour with the windows down, blasting music. We were SO obnoxious but it felt good to not have any cares at all. Mary's mixed CD was an absolute disaster but it was some of the best music I've heard in awhile. I knew none of the words to the songs but I didn't care we just kept driving it felt so relaxing and so freeing. We ended up at a red light while some dance song was blaring, and we were dancing like idiots, and a semi-truck was next to us, and the dude in the passenger seat began jamming out with us and when we noticed we both absolutely LOST it. It was so funny, and we were on the road with them next to us for about a mile, until they eventually turned left, and were gone. We blew them lots of kisses.

My voice is going to be hoarse tomorrow from how much shouting Mary and I did tonight, that is for sure. I'm feeling very contented right now though, and relaxed. my apprehensions have melted away, and tonight while in the car, I just realized that I Do Not Care Anymore. I'm still my own first priority, but I'm not going to be concerned with how I'm perceived by others. I'll do as I please, honestly.

here is a pic I took out of a cute book in my latin class:

:)

"It is fitting that everyone has a dog greeting them when they return home!"

JUST GET A LOAD OF THAT AD + GERUND TO EXPRESS PURPOSE. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE USES OF CUM + THE SUBJUNCTIVE. OH YEAH. 

A lot of people think Latin is a language filled with anger. I'm not saying they're wrong, but we sure can have a lot of fun with Latin too!!! 

i'm not spell or grammar checking this tonight I'm going to bed! 

x

October

Is there no better time for introspection? I've been busier than a bee with all of my AP classes and work and life in general, but I certainly am keeping my head above water. In AP Latin we're halfway through translating Caesar's De Bello Gallico. We've translated books I, IV, and now we're on V. I think we're translating all the way through book VI. It is frustrating at times, but oh! how I do love it.

I wrote an essay for AP Lit all about Hamlet. I examined how elements of humor throughout the text impact the tragic elements of the play. Tonight is wednesday and I don't have school again until this coming Tuesday. My bones are restless. Of course I have homework to do over my break, but I am not thinking so much about that right now. Over the past month I had a little bit of a romantic fling with a friend of mine, and it was very fun. Rather fulfilling for the most part. But I ended it on the weekend. I was too frustrated because our schedules clash and it was too much effort for something that was just messing around.

Now I'm sat at home, wishing someone were here with me. Decisions. I want to hang out with someone tomorrow before I have to go to work, but we'll see what happens. I may just spend the day working on Chemistry assignments and translating Latin. Perhaps I will just try to finish translating the rest of book V (I'm halfway through translating 5.33, I'm not sure how many are left after this one). I just checked, looks like my text goes through 5.48. We'll see how much I can stand to translate tomorrow. I'm not sure why, but translating isn't a chore for me. I look forward to doing my Latin homework. After we finish up with Caesar, we're going to move onto some of Virgil's poetry. I'm excited to translate poetry, it will be a nice break from all of this war-talk and history (I feel as though I must use the term "history" loosely, haha).

Here's an album I listen to a lot while translating (it keeps me focused): xoxo

Life has not stopped changing drastically for me ever since sophomore year. I must say that I love it. There are surely days where I become frustrated, and I go through periods where my depression gets back to a concerning level, but I am a much more level-headed and strong person than I was before. Spending time alone has taught me how to reflect properly and how to comprehend the things that happen in my life.

Such as tonight, I am feeling very introspective. I've been listening to a lot of music. I had baton practice, and it was very hot in the gym but I've really been enjoying the routines we're working on for this year. They're very fast and upbeat. A nice change of pace.

Here is a poem I wrote a while ago, I'm still not sure how I feel about it:

08/25/14

Oh, hold me close but don’t choke me

Flower petal imprints can still be seen

Light pink in rings around my neck;

I’m alive and my eyes are swollen yet

My heart is beautiful like the sea is clean:

Daises don’t grow in the bottom of the ocean.

Sanitize the burns with salt water,

Nothing may grow but it will be clean,

Choking throat and clogging lungs

The salt water stings the lamentations

I’ve streaked out on my body,

I forgot that salting the soil stops all growth,

My veins reek of Carthage.

Write me a melancholy filled

Solely with flower petal footprints

In murky river water, not on my skin,

I know that it burns less.

The tall grass and bright summer-

Time blooms are rushed away by

Fresh running water. Write me flower

Picking in early June. I need it back.

I want to revisit memories with a different

Version of myself: no petal-like

lesions across my body.

 I may revisit it someday soon. I need to edit a lot of the pieces I've been working on lately. My brain has been too preoccupied for that though as of late.

Here are some Latin quotes I've gotten recently and they are worth sharing:

Ebrietas mores aufert tibi, res et honores
"Drunkness takes away your character, your things, and your reputation" (Medieval).

Ex ore tuo te iudico
"I judge you from your own mouth" (--)

Such great quotations, maybe once I've gotten some other good ones I'll post those as well. Hope whoever reads this has a nice day. I doubt that anyone besides myself still reads my blog. I have cut out all the people from my life who used to read it. Honestly I prefer it this way.

Vivamus- "Let Us Live".

Onto August

Oh yes how good August is almost over!!!

just making a post now so there's one that'll show up in the archives lol.

i'm planning to write something tomorrow morning on here i'll keep everyone posted :)

Goodbye, July

Wow, what a month!!

I finished my college Latin class, and went to Nationals for baton twirling!! My group and I placed in the top 10 for all our routines, and snagged a national title in one event :) So, a successful year!

Yesterday I was asked out, and I said yes. I suppose my hope of having a summer fling is coming into fruition after all. Especially seeing as they're leaving for college in about two weeks.

For me, I don't want a committed relationship. I want to have fun, hang out, and just relax. So I'm hoping all of those things will be accomplished. I don't want to go into Senior year in a relationship. Especially not a long-distance relationship. This is such a big time in my life and I want to have the room to make changes in my life. And to be less stressed, of course. I have no qualms with being alone, honestly. I had to learn how to be alone, and I'm glad I did. I just want to continue to grow this coming school year, and I want the same for the person I'm seeing right now. It's their freshman year of college, it's not fair to them to be in a relationship going into school. I want for them to learn and explore just as much as I'm going to!

I worked two long, 8-hour shifts this weekend, so tonight I am definitely feeling ready for bed. But I feel like I ought to stay up because this is really the first time it feels like summer for me. No baton, no school, nothing! Besides work, but I don't mind doing that right now ;-)

In other news, I've been working on writing something pretty major lately, and I think I am going to post it on my tumblr blog as well as on here. It will be good for me to post it. I'm excited to!

l8r

Yoooo It's June!

I'm taking a college class this summer in Latin and it's two semesters of Latin in 5 weeks. We're on week four pray for me.

Tomorrow is July which is insane!!! Mexico is out of the running for the title in the FIFA world cup so I don't really care about that anymore. That's a lie. I'm so watching the rest of the matches.

Fav quote so far that I've translated in Latin Class:

Mea puella magis quam meos oculos amo.

I love my girlfriend more than my eyes. 

I had to remember this off the top of my head so if it's not 100% correct oh well. I believe it was Catullus who said this. 

The other things I really like are some passages by Horace and Cicero about friendship. If I get the time maybe I'll post my translations for you all :) They are very sweet. An interesting quip my professor says often: Technology changes; people don't. So reading Roman works on morality, friendship, love, etc. are all still relevant. I love it!

I also have been working on some writing projects that I may post as well in the future. But for now-

Valete!

PS: best album in my life right now

 

Three (3) songs that are pretty cool that you should listen to. 

favorite selfies

I'm conceited so what.

Yesterday in my Photography 1 class my teacher gave us cameras and half an hour to take 'selfies that don't look like selfies' and i tell you what it was so much fun.

here are some i rather liked:

Self portraits are pretty hard but so much fun and really rewarding. I have to keep taking portraits every day through saturday and tonight we had to take another selfie. I don't have any really good ones from tonight but this is the one i turned in for credit:

I actually really like the yellow tint to the photo because of the lamp light. My arm is super blurry but I didn't bother to crop it out because I don't care THAT much right now I'm just glad I turned something in! And tomorrow night after I go to physical therapy I'm picking up Mary and we're going to shoot some portraits in the park and then more than likely go to Starbucks and take more pictures and have more fun. 

Tell me what you think of the photos! 

x