I haven't just written about my life in awhile, so I guess that's what I'll be doing right now.

All in all, things have been really hectic, but not in a good way. If you're subscribed to my youtube channel you're probably aware of all the ridiculous things I've been doing, but you might not know that I've also been under a lot of stress lately. I have many projects due within the next two weeks, and right now I'm sort of at a breaking point. It's so bad that I was reading a book last week and I started crying because one little aspect of the novel pushed me over the edge. I couldn't stop crying for over two hours as I realized all that was going wrong in my life.

I tend to dwell on the negatives in life. For instance, all I've had on my mind the past few weeks is how I'm a complete failure of a person and I'm going to do poorly in all my subjects at school and how I'm never going to amount to anything that'll actually be important. I'm falling into a phase again where I only listen to the same music, want to be away from people, and stay inside all day. I like having friends, and I love my friends dearly, but a lot of the time I just want to be by myself in the quiet.

The only time I'm ever really alone is at night, but I'm usually so exhausted that I can't even enjoy the peace and quiet. And my insomnia is starting to come back, and I am not looking forward to more late nights where I never fall asleep. My insomnia comes in phases, usually when I'm most depressed. It's been on and off since fourth grade, really.

Another thing I can't stop thinking of is the future. I cannot help but think that the way humans are living right now is going to kill the earth. I don't even know that much about environmental science, but I just have this gut feeling that we're going to eventually mess shit up so badly that we won't be able to recover.

Also I've been trying to do a lot of writing lately, but it just turns out rotten. I used to be able to write with such ease, and now it's more of a pain than anything. Just look at how my blog has gone down the toilet since summer vacation! I used to update every single day before summer, but now I can't muster the energy to sit down and actually write something substantial. This right here isn't even real writing, is it? I'm just ranting and getting upset over trivial matters. I feel like I should be able to solve all of my problems by myself, but I know that I can't.

Sometimes I just hate myself so much.

Honestly the only thing that's keeping me from having a panic attack right now is me telling myself that everything is A-OKAY and looking at this picture:

I found this on tumblr a really long time ago and I don't know why it's funny BUT IT IS. If you don't read Homestuck it might not make any sense, sorry...

ps i haven't spell checked this yet but i'm posting it anyway.