either the cicadas have stopped their chirping, or i have stopped my listening.

i wrote this earlier tonight and it will probably be in a poem at some point. bad things happened tonight that filled me with an impression of melancholy and my brain is overflowing with thoughts that ache in my fingers yet i cannot bring myself to write them down because i don't want my brain to hurt much more, too. i'm listening to music that makes me feel like i'm living in an in-between state. I'm not happy, not sad, not living yet not dead.

Death surrounds me and it fills me with such emotion that there are no words for how to describe the pain. i want to cry but no tears have yet to streak my face. actually i take that back. immediately after i saw it i cried then stopped when my dad began to yell.

patches of blood and black covered her legs and nose. she looked dead but the flicker of her eyes alerted me she was still alive. patches of bugs eating living flesh of one i love. i do not want these pictures in my mind.